There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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Why did the little girl cry? The little girl cried for mercy as her attackers violated every inch of her innocent body, tearing her up from the inside until her organs were forced out of her anus and blood squirted from her ears as the pressure inside her body exceeded to a maximum. After the attackers were done with the corpse, they cut off her limbs and stapled them to her head.They placed her now decomposing body on the front porch of the worried parents' house and rang the doorbell.

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I've got ninety-nine problems, all of them very diverse and possibly involving women.

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Q: what is an anti-joke? A: Coffee Volvos

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Q: What's funnier than a baby in a blender? A: A baby in a clownsuit in a blender.

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Why did the man die? He helped others before placing his own oxygen mask on?

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What do you call a homosexuall man? Homosexuall man.

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Apple juice.

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Knock knock Who's there The police "people began to jump out the back window"

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roses are red violets are blue, every 1 looks at you and call u a fool

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In the time it has taken you to read this, a small African child has died.

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why did the chicken go to the man? TO ask if he wants sex for money

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Why was Susie crying? There was a frog stapled to her face.

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What did the black guy say to the white guy? What did the black guy say o the white guy

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Knock Knock Who's There Your doctor... You have Aids

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Jim just got laid off at the office. He believes his life is going to hell, so he commits suicide. His wife then later was blamed for his death because they were having many arguments. She was sentenced to life and slowly rotted in prison for the rest of her life. Their children then are moved around from foster home to foster home and they grow up to be drug dealers.

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Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!

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*insert lame joke stolen from the top 10 jokes and think it's original because I changed one word*

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A guy starts writing a gag for a joke site. But then he couldn't think of a punchline.

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what do you call an arse bandit? lady gaga's tanning salon attendants 3rd cousins dog chauffeur, roberto

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What do you call a black kid with no parents? A black orphan.

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Why can no one in africa read or write? I would asume the lack of public education combined with the fact that setting up an education system for so many widespread remote comunities would be a logistical nightmare. But then again I have never been to africa and know little about the country and so the premise of this joke is probably a dramatic overstatement in the first place.

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What happens when you walk around with a kick me sign on your back? you get punched in the face. How are you supposed to know it says kick, you cant see your own back.

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Dave and Tim walk into a bar. The bartender says to Dave: "What'll it be?" Dave is black.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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