What is white, wet, sticky, and gets squished out? Glue obviously, wait.... What were you thinking of?

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Do you know what's funnier than 24? 25

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the chicken fall off the tree? It was stapled to the monkey.

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Where did Jimmy go after the bombing? Everywhere.

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What's black and white and red all over? A black, white, and red painting.

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How do you stop a clown from smiling? Hit him in the face with an axe.

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What's one thing a black man can't have? White skin

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Mitt Romney for president.

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Why did a guy with schizophrenia does it take to walks into a bar.

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Why did the blonde fall off of the swing? Because someone threw a machete and it made contact with her skull, thus causing a painful break and rapid blood loss, making it virtually impossible to remain sitting upright.

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Wats wet and salty and people on the west coast get covered in it? Sweat.

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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what does a nazi and the witch from hansel and gretal have in common, they both put people in ovens.

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Wife: Do you know what the most untruthful lie I've told you? Husband: What? Wife: That I love you. By the way I'm leaving you for your father. The twins are gay and in love with each other and your daughter is a hooker with AIDS. Your mother killed herself upon hearing all this news. She suffered a lot. Oh, the dog died by rat poisoning that your dad put in the backyard. Bye.

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What is samios' favorite position? ;) Full back... In the bum.

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what happened to walt disney when he died? nothing he was frozen and has been for many years now

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What do you call a black man driving a car? A driver.

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Has anyone told you, you look fat today?" "Because you don't.

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What's room temperature and tastes like ice cream? Melted ice cream

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A man walks into a bar, his alcoholism is crippling his family.

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What do you call a chicken with its head cut off? A dead chicken. Most likely ready to be cooked/eaten

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You are the weakest link. Goodbye.

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Q: Why didnt the dinosaurs cross the road? A: Because theyre all dead.

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why couldnt helen keller drive? because shes a woman.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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