What did the man with one eye say to the woman with one leg at 2 p.m? Good afternoon.

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How was my day, you ask? First of all, I don't own a day. And second of all, it hasn't ended.

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What do you call a cat with 1 eye, 4 legs, and its tongue out? Road kill.

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Why did the black guy cross the road? He didn't because he forgot to precede crossing the busy street with caution; therefore he was critically injured and then placed in a hospital.

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What happens when your first name is Newton? You get nicknamed NEWT

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What happened to the kids bike? It broke when he got hit by a bus

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A Higgs Boson walks into a church, and the priest says, "We don't allow Higgs Boson's in here," and the Higgs Boson says, "But I thought Christianity promised acceptance to everyone who believes."

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how do you make a quiet person talk? you water-board them

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What's the difference between a statue and a real human? The statue can't run if the birds shit on it.

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whats the diffrence 2 gay people and 1 gay person? A 1 person diffrence

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A black man is trapped inside a bottle, how does he get out? He doesn't it is simply impossible for a human to get trapped inside a bottle.

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why did the plane crash? because the pilot was a tomato.

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bob lost his camouflage bag. he never found it.

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Poop

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? A worm in your intestinal tract.

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Person 1: I need an adult.... Person 2: I am an adult. Person 1: I need another adult... Person 2: My friend's an adult too. Person 1: I need a third adult Person 2: GOD UR NEEDY!

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what happens when you throw a green rock into a yellow pond. it makes a spash.

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What's another word for Manslaughter? My new Hobby

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What happens if a Muslim leaves their bag on a bus? They quickly return onto the bus and get it.

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what happened to the little girl when she crossed the line she was shot. shes mexican

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What do you call a black man with a guitar? His name

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How did the little boy fall off his bycicle? Prior to this incident, a psychopathetic killer murdered his family. Therefore, to escape the killer, the boy got onto his bycicle in hopes of manuvering away from the threat. Since it was nighttime he did not notice the fault in the asphalt.( No ryhme intendid.) From flipping over his handlebars, he fell unconcious. Upon the killer spotting the boy, he sliced his head off and left the scene to not be spotted by police.

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The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft by pulling down on one or both of the red tabs.

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One sunny Tuesday morning, Tom and his friends were outside playing at the park. Then, suddenly, a violent storm was rapidly approaching. It was recommended that everyone should seek shelter immediately.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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