How do you get a girl with two jobs to drop on her knees? Through a penny on the knees

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Why didn't the lady answer the phone? She is deaf and mute.

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knock knock whos there cops o shit come on they found out about pot lets go

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its funny cuz i laughed!

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Where did the kid go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere

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What did the monkey say to the African American? Monkeys cannot speak, therefore it would not be able to communicate with an African American, who is an equally respected member of the community, in an efficient way.

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Did you hear the joke about the deaf guy ? He didn't.

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And riiight after you... Hey its always ladies first.

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A guy walks into a bar with a Donkey and a jar full of pennies. He walks up to the bartender and orders ten shots of whiskey. He was found dead the next morning from erotic asphyxiation.

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someone says they've been "dying laughing"... no they haven't; they're quite capable of still breathing and functioning in every day life.

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An Arabic Muslim is on a plane. He's flying to Chicago.

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Why did the elephant cross the road? Because it was white

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What did the red-haired barber say to the father who abandoned him at birth? Nothing. The father sat to the side and read a magazine as the barber cut the hair of his legitimate child, failing to recognize the irony of the situation.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient ability. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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I'm at a payphone. Though I'm out of change so I'm unable to call my girlfriend and break up with her.

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why did Helen Keller cross the road? she didn't, she wasn't able to find it

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Roses are red Violets are... The poem was never finished due to the fact that the reader had narcolepsy and promptly fell asleep.

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There was a man driving his truck down a dark road, half way down the road he see's a man walking alone. He stops beside him, winds down his window and says "Oi mate, need a lift"? The man replies "yeah sure, but can i sleep in the back of the truck"? The driver replies "Yeah sure" later on as the man is sleeping he hears a big bang. "what was that" the man asks. The driver says "Don't worry i just hit a cow, go back to sleep". time goes by and he hears another bang. "W-what was that". "Don't worry i just hit a moose, go back to sleep and ill wake you when we arrive". Few moments latter he hears a tick tick bang. He gets up and yells "What was that"? The driver replies "Dont worry mate i just hit a aboriginal" The man replies "What was those two ticks before that"?. The driver says "I had to drive through two fences to hit the bastard"

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Jesus walks on water, Humans are 70% water, I can walk on humans, Therefore i am 70% Jesus.

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PerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerúPerú

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We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it And if you ask me how I'm feeling Don't tell me you're too blind to see Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you (Ooh, give you up) (Ooh, give you up) Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQOOJDIOOJIOAJWIODJOIAWJDIAJDOINWXIndiopwhenruioewfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJDDDDDDMMMMMMMMMMCCCCCCCCCCCJJJJJJJJJJJJSWKKKKKKKKKKKKKWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUWBUWBUWBUWBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUWBUWBUWBUWBUWBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUWBUWBUWBUWBWUBWUBWUWBUWBWUBWUWBUWBWUBWUBWUBWUWBUWBUWBUWBWUBWUBWUBWUWBUWBUWBUWBWUBWUBWUWBUWBUWBWUBWUWBUWBUWBUWBWUBWUWBU

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A blonde, brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. The redhead, growing tired of the constant ridicule directed at her from the other two, kills them. She pleads guilty to 3rd degree murder on two counts and is sentenced two life sentences in a maximum security prison in Cambodia.

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What is dull and has no point? A pencil without its point

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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