How do you kill a blonde? Pull the pin and throw it back...then proceed to paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

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your mammas so fat tha-- my mother is dead. oh... sorry.

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Jesus walks on water, Humans are 70% water, I can walk on humans, Therefore i am 70% Jesus.

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Guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He goes to the restroom and urinates. He comes back and orders another drink. He goes to the restroom again and urinates. He comes back and orders another drink. Guess what happens next? A. He goes to the restroom to urinate B. He buys another drink C. He flirts with a very attractive lady D. Goes home and masturbates

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A mum and a dad were having guests round for dinner. The daughter overheard them arguing. Dad was calling mum a b*tch and mum was calling dad a b*stard. The daughter asked them what it meant and they just said, "oh, it just means ladies and gentlemen". Later, when mum was doing her makeup, she dropped it and said oh "sh*t". Daughter asked what it meant and mum replked "it's just another word for makeup". After that, dad dropped the turkey and said "oh, F*ck!" Daughter asked what it meant and he replied "its another word for cooking". When the guests arrived, the daughter answered the door, and said "hello b*tches and b*stards. Mums upstairs stuffing sh*t on her face and dads in the kitchen f*cking the turkey".

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A Jew walks on his way to work. He does not notice the quarter lying on the sidewalk and did not care for the dollar lying on the other side of the road.

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What happened to the boy who ate too much? He got type 2 diabetes

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A homeless guy on the brink of starvation found one dollar lying on the street. He took it and bought a lottery ticket at the local drugstore. God was looking down on him with pity that day and decided that day that he would no longer be a vagabond. The next day, the homeless man won the lottery jackpot, worth 100 million dollars. He declared that on that day, he was the luckiest and happiest man alive. He then woke up in a pile trash.

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what kind of dog has no tail? a hot dog

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How do you tell if someone likes butter? You ask them

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Hey can you turn Tmartn upI can't hear him

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What did the kid say when the doctor said he had cancer Oh No

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there once was a black man who played basketball

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What did Canada say to America? We will not become apart of the United States where people are known as Fat Nascar lovin hicks!

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What's the difference between a Jewish child and pizza? Pizza does not scream in the oven.

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Wanna hear a joke??... No...... oh ok :(

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-Knock Knock -Who's there? -George. -George Who? -George Carpenter, Remember? We were in the same class in third grade. -Come on in!

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Is this the Krusty Krab? No, this is an overused joke on a kid's cartoon. Thank me later.

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How many baby can u fit in a cup? A: it depends how strong ur blender is How do you get them out? A: tortilla chips

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Brians mother always told him to reach for the stars. He died the next morning.

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a woman goes to an abortion clinic, kills a baby and still leaves pregnant.

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What did the cop say to the people watching the house fire? All right nothing to see here jokes over

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What Happened to the man who married a money? He contracted HIV

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What does the president and the prime minister of china have in common, Sickle cell anemia. 342

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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