Blarg, with ritalin everything tastes like cardboard, but on the bright side I can taste, lucky me I am so handsome the ones that attacked us did not want to ruin "my pretty face", so I just got a few cuts before I broke his, they never see a steel fist arriving you know... Listen, you are wrong, you gotta think less about me, and much more about yourself, you feel like you should worry more about me emotionally, but worry about your feelings more despite that because I can more or less hear your body saying "please take care of me", I mean I can more or less hear the urges and needs of women, thats why I am so good around them, I dont put them in a trance "vampire style" i just make them feel safe around me because it is safe around me, I am safe at all times because I am who I am. Listen, worry about your needs, turn of all mental alarms, I can sense (I dont know how, Richard Bandler put that into me) that you are in lack of sleep, food and sleep (I can sense it now, you havent slept well since you thought I was dead, it makes logical sense, it always does, its not magic, its the human potential unleashed) So take care of yourself, turn of your body`s needs one by one, shower, eat, drink (eat something good), and if you are at the couch, go get a pillow and lie down, this is about you, because I cant feel well if those I love and care about dont feel well okay? Please allow me to sleep easily and try getting some sleep yourself even if my guys are 15 minutes away. Let me know that you feel better.

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What does it smell like, what does it feel like, do you like it? Yes

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"Doctor, Doctor I think I am a pair of curtains" The man was swiftly referred to the psychiatric ward.

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How do you drown a blonde? Tie a cinderblock to her foot and throw her in water.

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What does it take to write a good joke? A punchline

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if life gives you lemons, you have some lemons

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When life throws you melons you might be dyslexic.

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what do u call a black person by his name

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Friends are like potatoes. If you eat them, they die.

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What is worse than the Haulocost? Running across Africa with KFC

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What do ghosts get whaen they watch porn ? a boner

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What do you call a blonde with big breasts? A woman. Some call her "mom".

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Roses are red. My name is dave. This poem makes no sense. Microwave.

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What are pirate movies rated ? P.g 13 for violence and coarse language.

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Whats your name? Bill. I have a son named Kevin.

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What's the most racist thing ever... Manhattan

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jay hefti is so cool and alex askew is hot

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What do you call a pair of owls? Two owls.

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Sally was ugly like a shaven babboon So she created her own little cacoon And within a week she finally emerged And she smelled like shit what a psycho

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A man walks into a bar.....OW!

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A man went to the doctor with a strange complaint. "Well it's like this Doc, when I drive to work in the morning through the country lanes I start to sing 'The green green grass of home'. If I see a cat then it's 'What's new, pussy cat?'. It's so embarrassing, even when I'm asleep and dreaming, I still keep singing. Last night, it was 'Delilah', and my wife was not amused!" "Yes, it would apear that you have the early symptoms of Tom Jones syndrome." "Well I've never heard of that, is it common?" asked the man. "Yes," replied the doctor, "It is very uncommon."

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Well babies don't have the strength or coordination to hold a paint brush, so you may need to call some painters.

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Why couldn't Austin eat his noodles? He was a horse, and horses don't have hands, silly goose!

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This is a joke setup.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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