A man walks into a bar and orders a water. He then drinks his water and leaves. The following day he returns to the bar and again orders a water. He repeats this for many days until finally one day the bartender asks him why he comes every day to just drink water. The man replies, "Water is free. I got laid off from my job last week. Rough economy, you know." The bartender starts charging him for water, and the man becomes homeless.

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we sat at the table and began to say graceme my sister, me and my mom we bowed our heads and closed our eyes and said grace we lifted our heads and opend our eyes and the food was gone my mom was gone and the chocolate in my pocket was gone (i wonder who did it lol)

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why do people read Bibles? To learn about God.

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Knock knock Who's there? Yo mamma Nobody's home, go away mom

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I'm off to my tank guys!

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Person 1 : i need to sneeze Person 2 : ok ( person 1 sneezes ) Person 2 : bless u ( few seconds later ) did u sneeze? Person 1 : yep :)

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How many dull people does it take to replace a lightbulb? One.

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What do you call a group of black people? A group, you racist.

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how do you starve a man who is on welfare? hide his food stamps under his work boots.

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Q: What is worse than seven babies in a trash can? A: One baby in seven trash cans. Q: What is worse than one baby in seven trash cans? A: The Holocaust.

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press a,s,d,f,g,h,j,k,l feel like a pianist

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What do you get when you mix black, white, and Asian? A panda bear

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Does this napkin smell like chlorofoam?

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Why was the man thought to be peculiar? Because he had sex with a pistachio.

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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you should be a con artist.

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Yo momma so ugly that she had self esteem issues and committed suicide, making her husband extremely depressed.

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What's the cure to Ebola? Suicide

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Billy's alarm clock went off at 8:00 AM but Billy was really tired but still his Dad forced him to go to school.

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I have a black guy in my family tree? Yea, his still hanging their

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Why did the 16 yearold pregnant girl cross the road? To get to the abortion center

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How do you stop someone from simply copying an already posted anti-joke? No, seriously, how do you?

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How do you get a black man to use a condom? You explain to him all the benefits of safe sex.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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