Why didn't the man walk up the stairs? He had an acorn stairlift.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I saw a dog pick up a dead bird with its mouth. Crazy cause the bird had ants and maggots all over it, it smelled bad. Well anyways the dog drops it, and he stares at it for a few seconds. Then another dog comes and tilts his head. I'm guessing he's confused and is like "why did you pick that gross thing up? " So they both leave the bird there, in the first dog's owner's backyard. (He was on the cemented porch, not the grass. Just so you can picture it better) Okay well the two dogs go to the park, hoping to get some action with other dogs. Yeah, they were out of luck. There was no one there cause it was Christmas Eve. Who goes to the park on Christmas Eve? Do you? I know I don't. So the two dogs walk out of the park, heads down because well they're sad. On their way out, they see a dog with a bird in its mouth. They keep going because the dog was ugly, heading to the neighborhood going to the first dog's owner's backyard. They take a sip of water from the stainless steel bowl, munch out on some dog food. The dog food was from a 50 pound bag of dog food, it had all the nutrients and vitamins and minerals dogs need to be healthy. Oh and the brand was Iams. Pedigree is for owners that obviously don't care for their dogs cause Pedigree sucks. The owner of the first dog bought the food at the nearest PETCO for around 30$ That's crazy. 30$ for dog food. That's a good owner spending good money on his dog. I would do the same. So when the dogs were done eating, the first dog looks for the dead bird. (The bird the first dog had picked up at the beginning of the story) Turns out the bird is missing. Where could it have gone? The two dogs look everywhere. Then after 20 minutes the second dog says "Hey! We're being clumsy. The third dog had a bird exactly like yours! " So they run to the park hoping they'll find the third dog. He wasn't in anyone's sight until suddenly a familiar voice coming from behind says "Looking for this, Bimbos? What fool would leave such a delicious bird like this in their owner's backyard? " The first dog says "Hey! Give me back my bird! " The third dog refuses. So they begin to fight. Then the second dog snatches the bird And runs away with the bird. The two fighting dogs are still fighting till they notice the horrible stench is gone. The second dog isn't anywhere in sight. That shit cray.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Once there was a dog, another one came to it and then there were two.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Whats round and bouncy? A bouncy ball

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A: How do you piss off a female pilot? Q: Kill her family

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Knock knock Who's there? The Gestapo. Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call an blonde, brunette, and a redhead? There has yet to be a definition for a group of people categorized by hair color.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

My girlfriend told me I couldn't satisfy her sexually. I told her she was beautiful and gave her flowers.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why didn't the dog come to his master when it was called? It didn't have any legs.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what's the best way to get your younger sibling to stop being annoying? Shoot Him

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Thank you, you remind me that I am not insane, just because I believe we humans can accomplish more, by uniting as one, rather than fighting one another. I feel as if I belong somewhere else, yet the question remains always, are people such as you better, or are we relics from the past?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

His name is Frosted Mike, and he neither has nor does not have a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw his gas bill.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why was six afraid of seven? Because six cheated on seven and slept with nine.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How do you fix a chimpanzee? With a monkey wrench

thumb_up thumb_down -11

teacher:humpty dumpty sat on a wall.... me: wait, why was he up there ms.park? teacher: well hes never been the same since vietnam, his wife divorced him and now hes a raging alcoholic.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How do you get a drummer off your doorstep? Ask politely.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Guy1: Hey! Do you want to hear a potassium joke? Guy2: Sure! Guy1: K

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why was the man alone? Because he was tied to a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did Michael Jackson retire from basketball? Michael Jackson never played basketball, but was nonetheless one of the most successful musicians to ever live.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Did you hear the one about the girl who had three nipples? Neither did I.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why was 95 lb jack able to chug so fast? Because he is a diabetic

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How do you kill a clown? You smash his face into a brick.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops