- Anti Joke

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Repeated jokes.

Is the glass half full or half empty? The liquid in the glass is not at exact half, so that question is not answerable.

What do you call a bunch of hobos having sexual intercourse? A soup kitchen

Q: What did the guy say to the apple? A: suck me off

What do you call a fat zombie? Dead

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I forgot the rest, Don't laugh at me...

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

How do you confuse a blonde? Tell her to jump over your car, then drive by in a truck

what do you call a bunch of crap at the bottom of the ocean? A shitwreck!

What is the key to a good anti-joke? A disappointing or intellectual punch-line said in a calm and passive tone.

Why was the girl crying? She prolapsed.

A: Do you want to hear a joke? B: A ladie not working in the kitchen A: WTF dude thats just terrible

Q: How do you make a plumber cry? A: Murder his family

What's another name for asexual reproduction? Parthenogenesis.

What did the pedophile say to the delightfully curly-headed youth? Can I have fries with that?

What is red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

There's two muffins in an oven, the first muffin says "Woah, it's really hot in here!". The second muffin says "Oh my God! A talking muffin!"

Q: How do you fit 100 Jews in a car? A: 2 in the front, 3 in the back and 95 in the ash tray.

I always used bra`s so I guess you know, nice I guess. Can you please stop it? I like know I am telling but my mind wont like accept it, and I would just like to shut off the laptop, but I want to keep chatting with you for just a bit more.

What's more greasy than grease? Kevin's hair

Judge: Why did you hit your wife with a hockey stick, Mr. Johnson? Mr. Johnson: My father and mother were mutually abusive when I grew up. As you may have guessed, this gave me a skewed view of the dynamics between husband and wife, as well as causing me to hide my emotions from myself as a defense mechanism. As a sociopath, I feel no remorse for this occurrence.

Why do birds fly South in the winter? Warmer, better food sources and therefore greater chance of survival.

Yo mamma's so fat she has her own zip code!!! :) Well... the actual reason is she is filthy rich and her house is so big that it takes up a bunch of room, and now that im talking about her i really wanna be her even though shes fat!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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