- Anti Joke

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

Who more attractive then you? No one your ugly as pooh.

Knock Knock Whos There? I'p I'p who? HAHAHAHA

Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is both blind and deaf, and doing so would put others in danger.

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

What is the french word for penis? I cannot say because I do not possess an adequate knowledge of the language.

why did the man reverse time? because his girlfriend died,also this man was super

I don't always browse the internet. But when i do i prefer Anti Joke.con

What's black and shouldn't have the right to vote? Ants

How does Justin Bieber remove a condom? he farts

* Why is this dog barking? * Because he's a dog, if he were a cat it would meow.

How did the deaf girl die? I beeped but she didnt hear me

-What's funnier than a dog with no legs? -The movie Dumb and Dumber, in my opinion.

Why was a white man mowing his lawn ? The lawn was getting undesirably long which provoked the white man.

Q. Why doesn't a woman need a wrist watch? A. Because they're actually becoming generally obsolete with the advent of the cell phone.

Yo mama's so poor, she doesn't have a lot of money.

Sometimes i like to stand on my chair and pretend that i am a carrot.

Click here for free sandwich.

Chuck Norris walks into a bar, the bartender says ouch.

Why can't Ray Charles drive? Because he's dead.

How do you tell if a kitten is alive? Throw it at the wall.

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Just in case he gets a hole in one! -LEts Go Mets P.S the comment below is also very stupid

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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