Fitzsimmons. We met at your wife's work party.

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Why was the kid hungry? Because he lived in Africa.

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Q: What would George Washington do if he were alive today? A: Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

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2 black men beat 9 white men in basketball. Why is this so? They were clearly out numbered.

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A Dog walks into a bar to order a drink. The bar patrons are at first amused and overjoyed to share their night with a playful pet, until they see that his mouth is foaming and he's already started trying to eat the nearest child. Screams erupt as the bartender calls 911. The dog manages to injure two patrons before he is tazed by the police and taken to be put down. One of the men injured has to have his arm amputated, which is unfortunate for his new career as a heart surgeon. The hospital informs him that they have no choice but to force him to resign, after they hand him his lengthy medical bill. He ends up losing his apartment, and his fiance leaves him for someone more stable financially. The man then drinks himself to death, after attacking and killing a local dog with his one remaining hand. The dog belonged to a new family on the block, whose son had terminal cancer. Due to the cancer, the boy had trouble making friends in a new area, and the dog (Sonny) was his one source of companionship and, by extension, hope. The boy is later admitted to the hospital for breathing problems, and after a 4-hour surgery, is pronounced dead. His attending physician was quoted as saying "He was so close to beating back the infection, but all of a sudden it seemed like he just... gave up." I mean, how was a dog supposed to order a drink in the first place, am I right?

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Why did the black man buy watermellon? Because he was having a barbecue in his suburban neighborhood and he wanted some fruit.

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Why did the kid die last night? because his mum stabbed him multiple times in the chest.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Falafel. Falafel who? I falafel. You feel awful? Ha, ha, ha! Oh, what a kneeslapper! Oh, God! Thanks for the laugh, I was feeling a little down and I... No, I just meant I ate a falafel. Oh. Yeah.

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What do you call a boy with no arms? Names.

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So a man walks into a bar, asks for a beer, then drinks it. He then goes home expecting to have dinner with his wife and 2 kids. His wife smells his breath before that and asks him what happens. The men opens to his true and only love and tells her he's having a bad time at work. So they share a hug and talk about it. The man is then renewed, starts pulling up at his job and gets a promotion to general supervisor. He lives happily and watches his kids grow and become professionals. He then dies of a heart attack at the advanced age of 89 while he was watching his favorite TV show.

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Why are hurricanes named after women? I don't know I was asking you

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Gun Control

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what does michael jackson do to little boys? nothing, he's dead.

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Why was the boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his face.

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Why is Michael Jackson bad at the piano? Because he is dead.

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Why do I hate food? I don't.

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Why did the little boy die? His mother got an abortion.

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Q. Why is me question not funny? A. Because there is no point to it.

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2 guys walk into a bar the third one ducked

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What do you call a black guy selling drugs. A pharmisict.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? It's the police, they ask the questions.

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What did the man do when it was raining pineapples? He got a chainsaw and went on a killing spree against his neighbors family.

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what's worse than being attacked by a giant ant? being attacked by two giant ants

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a disabled person walked into a bar..oh wait

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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