A priest and rabbi walk into a bar, they order a few drinks, then call a cab to go home.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because a stranger shoved explosives up his butthole.

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Why didn't Helen Keller learn to drive as a teenager? They didn't have cars back then.

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Joe used to always talk about his family and his two wonderful kids Joe can no longer talk to or about his family because his smoking habits have gotten out of control

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Stevie Wonder: Did you see the new piano I got from pepsi? Me: no.... Stevie Wonder: Neither did I...........

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Knock Knock Who's there? A bag of burning crap.

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Q: What time do you see a Chinese dentist? A: Never because China has a flawed healthcare system due to overpopulation. It is a sad and sobering reality of the plight of the Chinese citizens.

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there's 4 men, a rabbi, a priest, a monk, and a captain. they all go on the captain's ship for a cruise with a couple hundred people. this was during the cold war, and the ship was mistaken for a war ship, and the russians missled it. the monk says: "we have to get everyone off the ship!" the rabbit say: "NO! the women and children need to get off first! And we should also hail to Satan!" the Captain says: "OMG! It's a talking Rabbit!" the priest then stops the rabbit to death!" the rabbi says: "The rabbit is right! But just the children!" The Captain says: "Screw the children! this ship is going to Hell, we have talking animals saying we should worship the devil!" the priest says: "Do you think we have time" the monk, the rabbi, and the captain stare and beat him to death.... "Well, he was already going to Hell" the Monk says. But during this entire time the ship has been sinking and another missle blows up the ship. Everyone dies, except for Sean Conery...and Chuck Norris.

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Why was the little girl blowing bubbles in the swimming pool? Because she was drowning

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? Stolen

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obama leadership

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what is long and bare? polonaise to the pediatric ward what is short and bald? same polonaise, 3 weeks later

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why did one crayon give another crayon the silent treatment? because they are crayons, unable to speak

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Roses are red That much is true But violets are purple Not freaking blue

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why did helen cellars dog runway. you would to if ur name was ujujujujjujujujujujj

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what did the blind deaf orphan get for christmas? cancer

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whats worse than getting the girl you're talking to taken from you? getting the girl you like taken from you.. by a asian.

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What did the Muslim have under his hood of his car? A V-8 engine.

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What did the apple say to the orange? The apple did not say anything at all because fruits do not possess the ability of speech.

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Why did little Timmy start crying? Because he was shot.

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Why did Jimmy through a glass at spouse? Jimmy was an abusive husband who had a tendancy to drink too much.

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Whats green and looks like eggs? Green eggs.

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Q. What did the man say when his car broke down. A. Damn it, my car broke down.

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What did the vegitarian order for dinner? Vegatables

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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