Knock, Knock. Who's there Hey, it's Dave. Oh well come on in.

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Why did the black man cross the road? To show the chicken that it isn't that hard.

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Why does Eric Clapton use a Mac? Because he prefers Macs.

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how do you make a plummer cry? you spell PLUMBER wrong

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why did the alien eat the cow? peer pressure

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How come Helen Keller couldn't drive? Because cars were not invented back then.

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Wuy are Kenyans so fast? Because due to variations in evolution, people from that part of the world have a better muscle build to run at higher speeds than equally trained athletes from other parts of the world.

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What did the little Jew boy get for Christmas? nothing he is a Jew, he doesn't celebrate Christmas.

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the only thing i learned in geometry is when you push two circles together it makes a titty venn diagram

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what do u tell a woman who has two black eyes? nothing, somebody already told her twice.

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Why did the man start a shooting spree at walmart? Because he is mentally unstable and people at walmart make easy targets.

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Enters password. Sorry your password must contain the entire alphabet, your left foot, a theme song to a television show, and the blood of your enemies. Enters password. Password Strength: Weak

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Anti-Joke is a sticky wicket.

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Q: how do you test the sharpness of a knife A: stab someone MR

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs, lying outside of your house? An ambulance, he's clearly in trouble.

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Why did Hitler commit suicide? Because he was completely depressed and overwhelmed because of the fact that he had lost World War II.

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What's worse than dividing by zero? Chuck Norris dividing your face!

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A Mexican and an African American are in a car, who is driving? The Mexican, while the African American rides in the passenger seat.

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What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

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A man walks into a bar with an MP5 and proceeds to fire thirteen bullets into a crowd of people, several unarmed bystanders attempt to disarm the gunman but they are promptly ordered to stay back or they too would be fired on, a witness reports gunfire coming from down the street to local emergency services and they arrive quickly, organising a perimeter around the bar, county sherriffs decide it would be safest to wait for a swat team, as reports indicated the gunman may have hostages, however the gunfire appears to have ceased an noone has entered or exited the building since police arrived on scene. As SWAT arrives on scene and media helicopters circle above, a person emerges from the bar and the gunman appears behind him, he shoots and kills the hostage and then turns the gun on himself, the death toll reached sixteen including the gunman and as many as fourteen people were injured. there was no clear motive to the massacre, but a search of his appartment indicated he was tired of one-liners on typical joke sites and felt his wife's betrayal with his best friend was too much to bare and he simply snapped after losing his job in the current economic situation.

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When Chuck Norris dives into a pool... he gets wet due to the aqueous nature of the water

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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What do you call a secret agent that lives in a bottle of washing up liquid? Bubble-0-7

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A boy grows up loving tractors. For birthday and Christmas each year he got a tractor toy of some kind, until the age of 17, when he finally gave up tractors and got himself a CD player. One day, listening to all the latest tunes with some headphones, he looks outside to see his neighbour's house on fire. He goes outside to find firemen trying to put out the blaze. He jumps into the blazing house and inhales as much as he can, which astonishingly puts out the blaze. A fireman confusing asked "How did you do that?" The boy replies, " I'm an ex-tractor fan."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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