Stephen Hawking

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Q: Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? A: Because he had bladder control problems and feared he may ruin the first pair.

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Yo mama so short she often has to ask you to retrieve items from the top shelf of her cabinet.

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5 little monkeys jumping on the bed 1 fell off and broke it's skull. Momma told the doctor and the doctor said,"Your a bad mom."

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? Matters the size of the bathtub and the size of the babies.

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Why did the women sleep in the kitchen. Due to the poverty levels of her area of residence, sub-sahara Africa, she, her 7 children and 3 orphaned nephews lived in one ram shackled room with a corrugated iron roof which served as a multi-purpose kitchen, bedroom, lounge and greeting area.

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Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except for the cases when you die...then you are dead.

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Why did Valter fall of the swing? Because he didn't have any arms Knock knock Whos there? Not valter

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Everything.

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Why did the bartender refuse to let the black man in ? Because the bar was about to close.

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Fine Nero, but I will be keeping an eye on you.

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Knock knock! Who's there? F*ck. F*ck who? F*ck you.

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A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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What's worse then failing a math test? Your mom getting shot

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What do you call a black man repairing a car? A mechanic who has worked very hard to gain his qualifiaction.

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What is brown and woody? Brown wood.

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Yo' Mama's so old that her age is over the average age of most people.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, and so do I.

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why did the two girls fight? Because they were mad at eachother.

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Gorillas are black, Roses are red, Were out of milk, GET THE F**K OUT!

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when life gives you lemons you make lemonade when life gives you a homisidle brige you clearly have done something to make life angery

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What happened to the homeless guy when a woman gave him five dollars? He shot the woman because he is mentally retarded.

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Two peanuts were walking down the street, one was assaulted, the other was brutally raped.

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I fantasize about having sex with a moose

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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