- Anti Joke

Q.why did the monkey fall out the tree? A. it was dead Q. why did the second monkey fall out the tree? A. it was hanging onto the first one Q. why did the third monkey fall out the tree? A. peer pressure

whats the difference between a dead dog and a dead black guy there were skid marks in front of the dead dog

when life gives you lemons... squeeze the juice into your eyes.

My mom always said that jumping in a pile of leaves was fun! That was before a 20 foot long iguana bit her head off...

What is a gremlin? A gremlin.

What did Timmy want for Christmas? Parents.

Yo mamma so black, she uses armor all instead of lotion...

Somebody else besides you: what time is it? You: what time is what? SOmebody else: ? What?

What do you call the child of a black male and an asian female? A child of mixed ethnicities.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? 3, according to Mr. Owl

Hey! What dhujv hushichk jgdwrggy man? Go home Sally, you're drunk

The dewey decimal system

Why are humans and squirrels the same? They both live in trees except for the human

There was once a guy who was so crazy...he was sectioned.

Why didn't Little Timmy's parrot talk? It's neck had snapped.

CAOIMHIN JUST BE QUITE

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How do prevent a black man from robbing your house? Lock you doors and perhaps get an up-to-date security system.

A woman is terminally ill in the hospital and her family is trying to decide what her last meal should be. Her older sister suggests tea and the idea is accepted enthusiastically. The other sister suggests making jasmin tea and the ill woman's son also suggests toast. The woman's husband looks down at the orange he had just peeled for his wife and looks up at the rest of them. moments later he shoots the three of them and then himself. All were found dead. http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/local/2012/01/11/food-tiff-ends-in-deaths.html

A black guy and an apple fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? They both hit the ground roughly at the same time, because the acceleration due to gravity is constant.

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

What do you call a man with multiple sexual partners? Well, first you strongly urge him to get tested for any contagious and potentially dangerous STD's that could have been transmitted from one partner's genitalia to another person's genitalia which could have very well been he himself. They could be life threatening. Oh, and call him by his first name.

Q Whats the difference between a pich fork with watermelons and a pitch for with dead babies stuck on. A The pitchfork with the dead babies were severly shot in the kidneys and then the heart. Blake

Why did the hobo get hit by a bus? He wanted to kill himself.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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