A man is talking to his friend. The man suddenly picks up a banana. He says "hello anybody there?" The banana says "yes." After a while of conversing, the man suddenly puts the banana down in a sad type of way. The man then says to his friend "I'm sorry, but your sun has just died in horrible accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A man comes home after a long days work. It is late at night and he gets in bed with his wife who is already asleep. Later that night he gets up for a glass of water and returns to the bed room to see that his wife doesn't appear to be breathing and calls 911. He then realizes that this isn't his house and he leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What time is it when a cow walks into your house? The time that your mother arives.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

If Abraham Lincoln were alive today, he'd be really really old.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

The awkard moment when you realize you either have cancer, are pregnant, or a combination of the two.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

sex with dead people. they can't say no;)

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did the retard say to the other retard.. hey timmy how was work?

thumb_up thumb_down +26

what is red and looks like a bucket? A red bucket Waht is blue and looks like a bucket? (99% of the time they will say "a blue bucket") No, a red bucket in disguise!

thumb_up thumb_down +26

whdid the cop say to the robber as he ran out of the bakery? I caught you bread handed

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Q. Why was six afraid of seven? A. Because seven raped a three year-old child.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

3 Chinese brothers (chu, bu, and fu) come to America and want to change there names. Chu becomes Chuck, Bu becomes Buck, and Fu becomes Tom because obscenities do not make acceptable names.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. one fell off and bumped his head. momma called the doctor and the doctor said "your son is now a vegetable. he can no longer use his brain for things such as moving, talking, or eating. you are going to have to take care of him for the rest of his life. it is also going to be a burden on you and your husband because taking care of someone in this condition is very expensive, and could end up costing thousands of dollars each year."

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's the deal with airplane food? I've never tried it. I'm just curious how it was.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because in between 6 and 7 there used to be the number § but 7 raped and murdered it.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Q: What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? A: I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What do you call a person who drinks beer a lot? Alcohol abuser.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

You know your in Houston when... The highway sign says so.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's the only thing more horrible than trash can full of dead babies? A live one at the bottom. What's more horrible than that? He has to eat his way out. What's more horrible than that? He goes back for more. What's more horrible than that? This all took place in my garage while I was watching.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Knock Knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness. Oh come on in, I would love to learn more about your religion.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A mermaid walks into a bar, but she has no legs, so she flops over and proceeds to drag herself into the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. One polar says to the other, "Pass the soap please." And the other polar bear says, "No soap, radio!"

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Q:why is walmart so big? A:Years ago a man named Sam Walton had a vision for one stop shopping and affordable low prices. And it goes without saying that being a one stop shop must mean you have a lot of inventory thus the size of Walmart is a lot larger to hold and support the increased mass of inventory .

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Q: What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? A: Being caught by the store manager, arrested, convicted, and thrown into jail for petty theft and then getting anally raped for the next 3 months all because you wanted to check an apple without paying for it.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's the difference between a zit and a priest? These two things are so different that I couldn't list all of the differences in this text box.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops