Stephen Hawkins walks into a bar...

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How do I want to die? From Chuck Norris killing me, that would be an honor.

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If life throws you cars, you are probably on LSD.

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Q: Why did the boy fall off his bike? A: Someone threw a refridgerator at his head.

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What did the black man eat at a picnic? I don't know, I wasn't there.

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Q: How do you fit two beluga whales into a mini van? A: You don't.

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What's black, hairy, and full of hate? Hitler's moustache.

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What do accountants do when they're constipated? Take a laxative and eat plenty of fiber.

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why did the semen cross the road? i wore the wrong sock today.

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When Chuck Norris does a push up, he pushes himself up which puts resistance on his arms and therefore strengthens his arm muscles and performs physical exercise.

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The other day, a buddy of mine gave me some of his sandwich. "My wife made it," he said. "It's really good," I answered. We chewed in silence after that.

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Okay, hundred billions, and because I am fucking hungry, we make it perpetual, now the longer you keep the feeling going, the stronger and stronger and you know, trillions, indefillions, nondecillions, hell, make up your own numbers and just consider them higher. Bet its starting to feel pretty nice huh?

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Where do you find a vegetable? Where you left him

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What happens when you leave Toby alone in your house? He eats your carpet, some pillows, ur dog, ned, neds dog and a glass panel. This is why 2 +h = plugger +Mount Everest (I is potato annoying). Bonjour.

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Poop!!

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What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend?

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Stephen Walking hawks into a bar.

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What do a spoon and a platypus have in common? Nothing.

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Why did the clown fall out of the helicopter?? Gravity

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There are four worms moving in a straight line, one in front of the other. The first worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me!" The second worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The third worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The third worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" How can this be? ...the fourth worm lied.

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What did the fat man buy at Mcdonalds? A unicorn

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On Tuesday mornings at 7:32 a.m., what is the square root of 31? I don't know, because it would be an irrational number of which is not possible to calculate without the aid of a calculator. However, the date and time would not affect the answer.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? George Bush

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Why did the girl fall of the swing? I hit her with an axe.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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