If humans say YOLO what do cats say? meow.

Why didn't the black man eat lunch? Because his lunch asked him not to eat it.

What did the cop say to the people watching the house fire? All right nothing to see here jokes over

Q. Why is the road black? A. One hundred million dollars!

Why did Jimmy cry? His mom raped him.

How do you put a baby in a blender? Feet first, so you can see its expression. How do you get a baby out of a blender? With chips.

Your mother's breasts sag with such severity that the late great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook them for clocks.

A blind man walks into a book store. He asks if they have any books in Braille. The employee says "Yes! Many you haven't even seen before!"

Why did the Monkey Fall out of the tree? ..It was dead..

A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game. She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand." "What did you not understand?" And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

i feel like i will die some heroic death, but its more likely i will trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.

knock knock who's there? it's I, your son. ....... what? dad let me in, it's cold! i don't have a son.... but.... i love you... get off my porch, my son is dead to me. (whimper, fading footsteps)

Like this joke, bitch.

A hipster walks into a bar you've never heard of.

Why was six afraid seven? Well, ever since six took an arrow to the knee he wanted to know who shot it. so he did some investigating, looked up some records and found seven was in the same war as him. then he thought about it, the big 7 scribed on the arrow he got shot with. Right then and there pain went into his back shooting upwards. He smacked the ground, and in his last moments of life saw seven standing above him. If your expecting another end down here then your a stereotype.

A white man walks down an alley and sees two black men. They say hello and then are on their way.

What do Jim Carrey, Kim Jing-un and Justin Bieber have in common? A penis.

whats fat and ugly ? aidan slattery

A dog walks into the local newspaper to place an ad. The dog writes; "woof woof, woof woof woof." Receptionist: You know you can ad another two woofs for the same price? Dog: Well that wouldn't make any sense at all?

PSP... Is a cat... you can throw against the wall.

What's worse than finding a baby in a dumpster? Being late on your taxes

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What's similar about a mole and an eagle? They both are blind and dig through the ground. Except the eagle.

Doctor Doctor! I think i'm epileptic! I'm not the Doctor, I'm the receptionist. You're a hypochondriac, now wait in the Que, like everybody else Mrs. Davis.