Bob: Hey Jim, what's up? Jim: Obviously the sky, oh and i see a few planes too. by the way why are you asking me why don't you just look up?

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A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

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Q: What is better than sex? A: A relationship where you can be completely intimate with your partner

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What's worse than a dead baby falling out of a tree? Two dead babies stapled together falling out of a tree.

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why do my feet smell so bad? because i havent washed them for 5 days

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Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because while he was swinging, his friends dared him to jump off and called him a chicken when he didn't. Still hesitant, he tried to jump off, but his arm caught on the swing chain and he fell face first into the tanbark. He needs reconstructive surgery to repair his face.

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What happens when you divide by zero? According to the limits in Calculus, 1/x as x approaches 0 becomes closer to infinity, so we can safely conclude that if we could divide by zero, it would be a form of infinity. Positive infinity for 1/0, negative infinity for -1/0 and unsigned infinity for 0/0, as zero has no sign.

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Where do you find a dog? At a pet store.

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what can you give to a millionaire to make him happy? sex

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why did the kid drop his ice cream? because he got ran over by a bus! (not a original, just funny)

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What do you call Mary in a wheelchair ... virgin mobile

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What can fly for only a short period? A jumper.

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*Knock knock! "Who's there?" "Jehovah's witness" .....

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Printing billions of counterfeit dollars...in ones.

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How do you kill a blonde? You shoot them in the head with a revolver.

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Hey. I have to ask you a serious question. Okay. what? You can only answer with yes or no. Okay what is it? Do your parents know your gay? .....

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What did the Jewish man say when he answered the phone? Hello?

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A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bar and the barman asks "Is this some kind of a joke?"

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I saw a "Baby on Board" bumper sticker on a car TARGET AQUIRED

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How do you trap a squirrel? You carefully set up a trap and place acorns in the trap.

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Their was three black men that walked into a bar. They then ordered three drinks and had sex... I lied about walking into a bar

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Yo mama's has so much acne, I decided to give her proactive.

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Whats blue, flies with wings, weights over two tons, and has a rocket engine with six eyeballs? *hayball rolls* Moral: Im the one asking you...

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how do you spend all your money you go buy stuff

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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