What do you call cheese thats not yours? Somebody elses cheese

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How do you make an electrician fall over? You hit him hard with a lamp

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What do you say to a friend when they're feeling down? The Game

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Hey Eliz, just a final thought, if and when I die (hey I am your step dad after all, dont forget I am four years older than you now! So ill die first anyway, hopefully) Promise me that you will call me on the phone and either yell SNAKE ANSWER ME SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE! Or BOSS ANSWER ME BOOOOOOOOOOSS! Never mind, I never liked videogames ironically, but hey, its funny, Suddenly this Boss guy shows up, and I feel like I have something in common with someone! A game character anyway, and its a fucking boring game too, just sneaking around, then you got to well pay people to build shit and I shut it off by then... ...Finally the nurses are here... Those guys again, hey guys, I cant speak nor remember what button to press to delete shit, but I heard bogosexuals with an h, dont get the message, you see the man with broken fingers there, go get me female nurses or... They sleeping? And not with me? Okay guys, get me out of here, I am humiliating myself in front of my uh... Frienddaughtersisterthing as for the rest of you fucks, has it ever seemed like I have ever cared about your inferior opinions above my superhuma... I am drun or something huh guys? 60 MG valium? You fucking murderers! Well will that other dru.. Fine then... Nero The End? Seriously flaggots! I cant stop typing, just get me out of this... Wheelchair? When did that happen? Well roll me out then! And please you know, fill that code thing and the terms and all that.

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Why didn't the dinosaur cross the road? Because they are extinct and roads did not exist when they were alive.

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What's worse than a snake in your boot. A boot in your snake.

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Confucius say: Man who fart in church probably has a medical condition and should not be made fun of because that is cruel.

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How do you call a guy with a school bus on his head? Dead. It's highly unlikely that a man would be able to withstand the weight of a massive school bus on his head and survive.

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What did the nerd say to the bully? Nothing. The bully killed him before he could say anything.

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what's the difference between two pieces of bacon and a blond girl? The blond girl is a human and it's against the law to eat her.

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whats worse than being cold? having a pine cone shoved up your ass.

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Your mama is so fat that when she farted she called it global warming

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A horse walks into a bar. Being unable to comprehend human emotion, he shits all over the floor.

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Q: what did the man say to the woman when he wanted her to leave? A: please leave

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WHAT????

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69 HAHAHAHAHAHAHA *goes crazy and shoots himself*

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

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A platypus walks into a bar, and was the only mammal in the building capable of laying an egg.

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? ghuieruioytidhfdvbshdkhfjh

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a dick just for you

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Jake was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds and it better be there!!" The next morning he got up early and told his wife to come to the driveway. His wife looks down and sees a scale.

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So how does the chicken cross the road? He doesn't, chickens live on farms.

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Why was the sex offender sweating in the playground? Because he was pushing his over weight son on the swing.

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what did hulk say when he was mad? im mad

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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