a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z i left out p.

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Why did the house burn down? Because I set it on fire.

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Why did the addict choke himself with a trash bag? His family couldn't afford a funeral and it was the quickest way to disappear.

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How is butter and your mom similar? They both consist of much fat.

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What's the difference between dogs and humans? 8.

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What is purple and crawls? A wounded grape.

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Friends are like trees. They fall down when you hit them with an ax.

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A doctor, a farmer, and a blonde walk into a bar. The doctor orders red wine because he knows it's good for the heart. The farmer orders a Piña Colada because he likes fruit. The two men wait eagerly to what the blonde is about to order. The blonde opens her purse and says "Damn it, I can't find my credit card." Suddenly, a handsome young gentleman walks up to her says "Don't worry miss, I'll buy a drink for you. What are you having?" The blonde looks up and says "Don't worry? I just lost my credit card!" In a fit a of anger, the blonde storms out the bar and doesn't order anything.

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Did I tell you about the day I put PaulMckenna on a hypnotic state so he believed he put me in a trance? That was fun, everybody applauded, then he got sad when it was not him they where applauding at, funny guy, a bit of an amateur, he spends hours "priming" people in a hypnotic state, and then in his videos triggers it so it makes it seem like he does it instantly, next to Igor Ledohowsky and Richard Bandler, I might just be one of the best and youngest hypnotists alive. Speaking of which, my wife knows the complicated yet strong feelings I got for you, and feels safe around me because of the same reasons you do, and the fact that I can spot a worry and a tear before people do, especially those I love and care about. Wait I am not done, I just need to eat before I space out.

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What do you call a former pope. Dead!

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Q: How do you get a one armed blond of of a tree? A: You grab a ladder and help her down safely.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything is black, I am blind.

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Did you hear about the deer? He had antlers. If antlers where a kind of disease, that would be a pun.

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Whats the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair? Cancer.

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What did Tim play with his friends? Nothing. He has no friends.

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I had a grammar lesson yesterday. I learned how to speak more good.

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How old is your mom? Old.

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Q: What do you call a black girl with braces? A: A black and decker pecker wrecker

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.

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Yo momma is so ugly, she might not win the "America's next top model" contest.

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Al Kida and Terry Wrist walk out of jail.

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whats used in the kitchen and hurts like fuck? a cheese-grater dildo

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How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? 1

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Knock Knock! Who's there? So. So who? Cares.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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