A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There was a worm on the other side. And the more pressing question is why do i watch a chicken in my free time

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It's not gay until eyes meet or tips touch.

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roses are red violets are blue ill keep u in my heart forever and ower baby to

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Yo momma's so hot I raped her and slit her throat afterwards and hid her body in a ditch.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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"George? I wanna tend da wabbits, George" - Lennie Smalls

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Listen Supervisor, this is Agent Clarke of the GOV and the WHO, I suggest you respond ASAP, I suggest you put set me in touch with either Lady, or Axel Knight right away, this is a matter of your personal security.

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Whats better than throwing a baby off a cliff? Catching it with a pitchfork. Whats better than catching a baby with a pitchfork? Eating it afterwords.

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What do you call a bug stepped on 47 times, then burned to a crisp? Dead

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What's sad about a truck passing behind a duck? A: Behind the Duck were the Ducklings.

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What did the deaf blonde say to the brunette? Nothing.

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You know whats funny about 9/11? Nothing.

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A gay man,a black woman,a seven year old child,a liberal,an atheist and an asian walk into a building. A hijacked plane flies into the tower they were in and kills them all on a cold September morning.

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Hey there, I like bananas! No you don't.

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Why do cow say moo? Because you touch yourself at night

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Where do babies come from? You fathers penis.

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A loving father took his two children to the park for a picnic. while the children went into the lake for a swim he drowned them both

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What is black and white and red all over? A pile of dead, bleeding, mixed race babies.

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What happened when the car hit the man? He died.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Ya. Ya Who? Dot Com.

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Robert Dupra getting a girlfriend.

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Q: Why does it take three Polacks to change a light bulb? A: Because they're so damn stupid.

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Did you fall from heaven? Because you look like Satan.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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