What do you call five black me pushing a car? "Very nice young men who helped me when I broke down," according to my grandmother.

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Why is Stevie Wonder always so happy? Probably becuase he's a highly succesfull multi-million dollor recording artist with 26 grammys and 1 oscar

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A woman asked me today if I'd ever tried crazy golf. I hadn't actually ever tried it.... So I replied "no".

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Q:How many dead babies fit in a bathtub? A:It depends on the bathtub, but if all of them were the same size, babies also differ in size and sometimes shape. If all bathtubs and babies are the same, the number would be 1, because every baby will be as big as the bathtub.

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Where did Little Johnny go when the bomb hit? Everywhere.

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What did the businessman do to get a promotion? He traded oral sex for his male bosses kind heart...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other... Uh oh. A car just ran it over.

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What did the prisoner get for Christmas? A lethal injection.

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Q. How many men did it take to build a wall? A. None, the wall is already built.

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What's the difference between a cow? Trick question—cows eat carrots!

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Knock Knock Who's There Lettuce Lettuce who? Lettuce down the street building his new garage

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What does a black kid get for Christmas? Your bike

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Q: What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? A: Reading re-posts of classic anti jokes posted by lonely teenagers.

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Why did Lucy fall off the swing set? Because she died. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Lucy.

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What's worst than finding a worm in your apple Finding half a worm in your apple .....

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Why did the boy fall off the purple cliff? Because someone cut of his legs and arms and threw him off.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What happens when two elephants go out in the rain? They get wet.

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what do you call a old guy who touches children? my dad

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If my wife has got 6 oranges in one hand and 6 apples in the other hand, what has she got? No chance of stopping an uppercut.

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If little jimmy has five candy bars and he eats three, what does little jimmy have? Diabetes

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Why can't Timmy go on any rollercoasters? Because he's morbidly obese and it would a safety hazard.

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Officer i'm dot nrunk, beriously you gotta selieve me!

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What did the big Chimney say to the little Chimney? Nothing they are chimneys ....

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops