- Anti Joke

Roses are niggas Violets are niggas I'm lil Wayne niggas rhymes with niggas

What's worse than a guy staring at you? Two guys staring at you.

roses are red , violets are blue i love bernard he loves me too if you take him from my place i'll smash my fist in your face.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being brutally murdered as you are watching your guts spilling out of your body

Two frogs go to the bar only to leave because frogs can't open up doors.

How do you make beef Wellington? INGREDIENTS For mushroom duxelles: 1 pound cremini mushrooms, coarsely chopped 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon black pepper For herb crepe: 1/2 cup all-purpose flour 2 eggs 1 teaspoon sugar 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons chives, minced 1/2 cup whole milk 1/4 cup water 4 tablespoons butter, melted, plus more if needed for pans For beef Wellington: 2 pounds filet mignon Salt and black pepper, to taste 2 tablespoons olive oil 1/4 cup whole-grain Dijon mustard 1/2 pound prosciutto di Parma 1 sheet puff pastry, thawed 1 egg yolk 1 tablespoon whole milk DIRECTIONS To make mushroom duxelles: Add mushrooms to a food processor and process until completely smooth. The consistency is similar to wet hummus. In a pan over medium heat, add mushroom paste, olive oil, salt, and pepper. Spread the mixture evenly over the surface and cook on a medium-low heat until the moisture in the paste has reduced and the mixture has the consistency of a spreadable pâté. Remove from heat and let cool. To make herb crepes: In a large bowl, whisk together flour, eggs, sugar, salt, and chives. Whisk in milk, water, and 1 tablespoon of melted butter, until smooth and emulsified. Heat a crepe pan or large skillet over medium heat. Add remaining 3 tablespoons of butter. Add 1/4 cup of the batter. Rotate pan in a circular motion over the heat to completely cover the surface with the batter. The edges of the crepe will begin to curl slightly as the crepe cooks. Cook for approximately 45 to 60 seconds, then flip crepe to cook the other side. Each side should be a pale golden brown. Remove from heat. Add more butter if needed to the pan and repeat process with the remaining batter. Set crepes aside. Preheat the oven to 400º F. To make steaks: Pat filet mignon dry with paper towels and season generously with salt and black pepper. Heat a skillet over medium-high heat and add olive oil. When the oil begins to smoke, add the filet mignon and brown from 1 to 2 minutes on all sides. You want to create a nice sear on the outside of the steak but leave the inside raw. Remove from heat and place on a cutting board to cool. Cover cooled filet with Dijon mustard. To roll the beef Wellingtons: On a cutting board, lay out a long piece of plastic wrap. In the middle of the wrap, lay out a crepe. Spread mushroom duxelles over the crepe. Lay out the prosciutto on top of the duxelles. Place filet in the center of the crepe and gently wrap the crepe around the filet. Trim off any excess and use the plastic wrap to tightly wrap the steak. Lay out a clean, long piece of plastic wrap. Gently roll out puff pastry until it is a 1/4-inch thin. Place the wrapped steak on one end of the puff pastry and wrap. Pinch the ends closed and trim off any excess puff pastry. Use the plastic wrap to tightly seal the puff pastry. Pop it in the fridge for about 5 minutes to let it firm up again. In a bowl, mix together egg yolk and milk. Place a sheet of parchment paper or aluminum foil on a baking sheet. Remove Wellington from fridge, remove the plastic wrap, and lay the Wellington seam-side down on the baking sheet. Baste the top of the puff pastry with the egg wash and bake for approximately 25 to 30 minutes or until the internal temperature of the steak reaches 125º F, or to whatever temperature you prefer your steak. Remove from the oven and let rest for at least 10 minutes before slicing into medallions. Serve warm.

Why was Susie's mom crying? Because Susie got hit by a bus

A working black man, Santa, and the Easter Bunny where walking down the street and find a penny, who picks it up? The working black man, Santa and the Easter Bunny take no payment for their work.

Two elves walk into a bar. The hobbit laughs and walks under it.

whats hard long and you put it in your mouth everyday a toothbrush

What's black, white, and red all over? An African American and Caucasian man painting a house with red paint and accidentally spilling some on themselves

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

Richard Gere has a girlfriend called Goldie

"bus driver pressed the horn at my mum and she stuck a finger up at him " Not the first time she's got the horn and shoved a finger up

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? She's a woman

What did the convicted pedophile do to the ten year old boy? He molested him.

What do you call a small chinese person? They prefer the term little person to the term midget.

What rhymes with milk...milf

Have you heard the one about the Priest, the Pastor, and the Mail Man? -no, how's that go? Oh you haven't? That's too bad, it's really good.

What did the cat say to the dog? Miaow. What did the dog say to the cat? Miaow.

What did the man do with the naked baby girl? He put some clothes on her and proceded to lay her down for a nap.

Why did Jimmy fall over? Jimmy was hit by a bus.

A man walks into a bar. Splash.

roses are red violets are blue me + you =the perfect 2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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