Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? Because her mother inadvertently left the gate open while gardening.

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Why did the girl fall off of the swing? Because she had no arms.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream...?? Because he got hit by a white van

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

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What do you call a black man wearing tights? Rick

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How many candles did Johnny blow out on his birthday cake? The same number of candles which corresponds to his age.

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Have you seen Ray Charles' new house? Neither has he...

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What do Ash Ketchum and Peter Francis Geraci have in common? Absolutely nothing.

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Q: if it takes a week to walk a fortnight how many pounds of oranges can you fit in a grapegruit. A: None, because there is no bones in ice cream

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Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11 9/11 who? You said you'd never forget!

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I just got robbed by an invisible man!!!!

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Q: Why didin't fat billy take the last peace of pie? A: cuz he was not hungry

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Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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Why didn't John get a present for Christmas? Because John died eight months ago.

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What's the difference between an ant and a dinosaur? They are both birds, apart from the ant and the dinosaur

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A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are on the run from the police. They see a barn, and decide to hide inside it. They find three burlap sacks, and each hide in one. The police enter the barn, arrest each of the girls, and sentence them to life imprisonment for murder.

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Shut up, I already got that before you said it, typed it, whatever I do not give a fuck, I want the last word because, reasons of millions. I love you Nero come visit me sometime, wait ill come visit you, yes yes, but now shut up, I want the last word, because I made myself your bitch! You know its not what I mean the other way but then around again, I think, you are my I made myself your bitch, no wait, keep reading, you are, my bitch master..., pretty please let me have the last word? Never fucking mind! Have the last word, I surrender, I totally surrender I want my nose back XD.

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What is the worst joke to tell a Orphan? Knock Knock Who's there Not your parents ( Man than slams door in little girls face)

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A hooded black man walks into a pharmacy, he caught a cold due to the gelid weather and bought some medicine for himself.

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What time is it? 2:47 PM.

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When life throws you lemons, Throw grenades.

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How do you stop a air plane? You throw small infants into the turbine.

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Why did the fat man cross the road? Because he felt that being overweight, he had to do something about it and go to the gym.

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How do you find the richest person in Mexico? You get the census of income per citizen and see who is at the top.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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