What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Nothing, he found his tractor and went back to work.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call it when a dead man has his wallet stolen? Rob Zombie.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Knock Knock Who's there? Just open the damn door.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A grasshopper walks into a bar and no one notices because it's just a little insect.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Whats worse than one dead Baby in ten trash cans Getting raped by kobe

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Knock knock Who's there? To To whom? No, its To Who now, since I married

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the widow get for mother's day? A miscarriage

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What happened to the boy who ate a piece of his Halloween candy? He died. It was laced with cyanide.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

whats worse than being raped by a giant scorpion getting raped by 2 giant scorpions

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A woman sees a sign on a store that says "husbands for sale." Curious, she walks inside. The clerk says "These men will be perfect husbands, they'll cook and clean for you and see to your every need." Shocked, the woman calls the police and reports the store for human trafficking.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Once upon a time in a far away kingdom, people lived in it. The End.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? Matters the size of the bathtub and the size of the babies.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why was Cathy sad. Her husband Drew was killed by a land mine on a peace keeping mission to Iraq.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Nero, seriously, one way or the other, ill kill you, my mom blushes like every time people talk to her so fuck you, my sister if you touch her, ill.... Man, stop and ill forgive you, and I am very very sorry, now stop sending me those pics, and please do not post them anywhere, Line would not want to.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I saw 2 jews talking. I threw in a penny and watched them fight to the death. I did the same with 2 catholic preasts exept I threw in a baby boy

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Random link time! http://www.booksie.com/thrillers/novel/declan_mckimm/pure-evil

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the boy let go of his red ballon? Because he was hit by a car

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the woman make the man a sandwich? Because the man severed his spinal cord and is no longer able to move any of his limbs.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

One sunny Tuesday morning, Tom and his friends were outside playing at the park. Then, suddenly, a violent storm was rapidly approaching. It was recommended that everyone should seek shelter immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind some. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope, expectation and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going to venture into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there that Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down in the family's precious leather chair, looked her in the eye and whispered a sweet farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible, so now he is armed with the fact that his father is there for him, to help him further his adventure. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He grabbed his stash of Cool Original Doritos, took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena, got his Grandfather's lucky medallion and his inhaler and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, used the straw to puncture a hole through which to drink, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's the difference between a man and a woman? The latter has two additional letters added to the beginning.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

whos best at KS3 irish and is sexy? tiarnan i lied about the sexy part

thumb_up thumb_down +14

If life gives you lemons, you're setting up a bad joke

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops