An elephant walked into a bar. By bar I mean jungle. Elephants aren't capable of walking into a bar.

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knock knock Person A: who's there Person A: oh shit that was me

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You stink so bad that you should cleanse yourself via shower and/or bath.

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What's brown,green got four legs and can fall out of a tree and kill you? A snooker table.

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How do you stop a clown from smiling? Hit it with an axe!

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Have you ever tried Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

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Why is Stevie Wonder called Stevie Wonder? Wonder where I am.

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knock knock whose there? banana? banana who? im sorry but you have to go to the doctor now.......

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Knock knock. Who's there? Your mother. Please open the door. Your mother who? You were adopted.

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Why did the man laugh? Because humans laugh when they hear a joke.

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Where did Little Johnny go when the bomb hit? Everywhere.

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What do you call a sober man driving a car? a designated driver

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Did you hear the one about the guy who couldn't tell any funny jokes? He went to Anti Joke and posted 1000's.

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"Is your fridge running?" "Yes, I believe so" "You'd better go make sure, because I put some chicken in there and it didn't seem very cold to me"

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs, consdiering as disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion)

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What do you call a clock that neither ticks nor tocks? A broken clock

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Once upon a time in a far away kingdom, people lived in it. The End.

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Q)why couldn't the baby talk? A)the baby was dead.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Why wouldn't Michael J. Fox make a good Sniper? Because he has no military experience.

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What did the fridge say to the watermelon? Nothing.

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Q: Whats the difference between me and a ghost? A: Ghosts arnt dolphins!

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"Have you seen the food African kids eat?" "No.." "NEITHER HAVE THEY!!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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