Why was the woman in the kitchen? She came in to give her husband, who was washing the dishes, a kiss before she went to bed early so she could be well rested and get up on time to make the 45 minute commute to the hospital where she worked as a neurosurgeon the next morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

-Knock Knock -Who's there? -Me Me, who? -You -You? but I thought you were me. - I am you, you're looking in the mirror, asshole. - No, sir i'm sorry you have the wrong house. Asshole doesn't live here.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a tree There isn't a tree in my garage

thumb_up thumb_down +10

whats worse than a paper cut? 2012

thumb_up thumb_down +10

how do you kill a blond? there are many ways but every one of them is illegal and could be criminally chargeable.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What would you call the baby of an elephant and a rhinoceros? Nothing. They are two entirely different species and therefore cannot breed.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what did the man with Alzheimer's say to his son? who are you!?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How do you fit 10 babies in a bowl? With a blender. How do you get them out of the bowl? You don't, you've already been arrested for multiple cases of infanticide.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the muffin not eat the other muffin. Because muffins do not have a digestive system.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

why did the boy stay home from school? it was saturday

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's the worst part of being a black Jew? That is a very uncommon combination of race and religion, therefore causing obvious confusion.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's the difference between communism and race mixing? Zey come for our blood, but drown in zeir ovn!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A black man walks into a KFC, he then realizes that he is in the wrong store, and walks out.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: What did the dog say to the owner when he took him to the vet? A: Nothing. It's a dog. It can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Whats the difference between a black guy and a bucket of shit? A black man is a life form, more specifically a homosapian, while the bucket, as well as the shit, is an inanimate object.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Joe is a negotiator. When joe sees someone in trouble, he tries to help them out of it by talking. Joe failed to talk to Osama bin laden correctly. Joe is no longer living in this world. Joe drank his sorrows away and died from the alcohol in his body. Osama is completely unrelated to this, his family died in a car crash.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Sigh, visit me with a pack of condoms, that is so romantic... Now you tell me something, how old are you REALLY and what is your real name? Oh yeah, my first name is Tifa (I know you hate it for some reason), and I am turning 24 in 30 days.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what did batman say to robin to tell him to get in the car? get in.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's big and looks like a mushroom? A Mushroom.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs at night? An experimental animal mutilated then exposed to radiation.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Their were three business men going on a trip, they had only one bed in the hotel so they had to sleep in the same bed. The next day guy on the right said i a great handjob last night and the guy on the left said the same thing. The guy in the middle said last night i was dreaming i was skiing

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's worse than a worm in your apple? The Holocaust No, the Holocaust never even happened, you're an idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops