Why didn't Fred answer his phone? Because Fred is a tree.

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Doctor Doctor! I think im turning into a carrot! Thats a side effect of the drugs Alice, We've just had your test results back. I'm sorry Alice, You've got HIV.

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Three mexicans walk into a bathroom they all had to go pee.

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Whats a dogs favorite thing to eat? Food.

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What happened after Will Ferrell took a dump? He wiped his ass and flushed.

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An airplane flies due north at 100 m/s through a 30 m/s cross wind blowing from the east to the west. Determine the resultant velocity of the airplane.

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Two peanuts were walking down the road. One was assaulted because they were walking in Detroit.

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Roses aren't blue Violets aren't red She was my ex wife But now she's just dead.

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I love you, you love me. Barney is fat and not entertaining.

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What do you call it when a cigarette is brown instead of white? A cigarette that is or has been damp so that the nicotine was able to bleed into the paper and dye it.

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There was a guy and a girl naked in bed, sleeping together. When they woke up they didn't remember the last 72 hours and wanted some questions answered, including Where am I? Who are you? What year is it? What's my name?

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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Your mom is so fat that she actually had a pretty hard time finding a husband.

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Q: What's the biggest lie ever? A: Saying you read the Terms of Service

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Knock Knock Who's there? Kelly Oh hi Kelly! Long time no see! I know! I've been my working fingers to the bone ever since I got that promotion and I barely have any free time! That must be tough. It is but it pays bills! Being a mother of three isn't a task for the faint of heart. Now Kelly,I was wondering how you thought of the remodeled kitchen....

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Why was the black guy running away with a sack full of money? He was rushing to local charity to donate the money. It was closing in 2 minutes.

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What one thing do the five members of Mystery Inc have in common? They were all raped and killed by REAL MONSTERS! One of the monsters happened to be Chuck Norris. He's a BEAST!

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How do you wake a clown up? By pouring vinegar in his eyes.

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I'm a poet and I didn't even realize I was one

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Once there was this duck. he was the best dentist in the world...

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why was the blonde confused? because she was born with a low IQ making her mentally retarded.

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Q: What's black, white, and red all over? A: A horribly maimed zebra.

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What do you call it when an Arabic man gets shot? Murder.

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once, my brother took my lard and gave it to the less fortunet

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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