Dad: "Happy birthday, son! Let's go get a beer." Timmy: "But dad, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are, we hope that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.” Timmy's mom had just died of cancer a few days ago. A friend walks in the door, not knowing Timmy's mom died just a few short days before his birthday. He screams, "Happy birthday!" TImmy: "Damn. I'm not going through this again."

thumb_up thumb_down +43

How do you get a pirate out of your seat? Politely ask him to move for you were there first.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

You know what is funny about r.ape? Nothing. It's horror

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What do you call a black man who goes to college? A scholar.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why was the little boy upset? He was on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What's the difference between an iPhone and a Samsung Galaxy? Google it, there are many differences.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What do Ethiopians do at night? Starve

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Q : How many babies do you need to paint a wall A : It depends on how hard you throw

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why do so many black people like watermelon? The same reason so many white people, do. Have you had that stuff, it's really good!

thumb_up thumb_down +37

what are the three types of rings? -wedding ring -engagement ring -suffering

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why did your mom cross the road? She Tripped and started rolling

thumb_up thumb_down +37

How do you get a one armed Pollack out of a tree? Hold his family at gunpoint.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

I haven't made a school shooting joke yet, but the day is young Just like those kids that got shot

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why did 3 blacks guys start watching the first Star Wars movie on Saturday night? They finished the Back to the Future movies on Friday.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

I like pancakes. I like pancakes. We have no pancakes

thumb_up thumb_down +35

3 men are stranded on an island when they come across a brass lantern. The rub it and nothing happens. They all starve to death a day later.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What do George Washington, JFK and Hillary Clinton have in common? They've never been to my house.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What's invisble and smells like bananas? My mailbox.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What's big, black, and impossible to swallow? A parking lot. Among many other things.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Q. How do you break into a store that's closed? A. You walk in, I was lying about it being closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A man walks into a doctors and says 'Doctor, Doctor, I have a bad stomach ache' Upon hearing this, the doctor writes the man a prescription for medication and wishes him a swift recovery.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Knock knock whos there? I have no anus

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A jew walk's into a bar. But actually it was a Gas chamber.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops