What's worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Coming home and discovering that your wife has drowned your kids in the bathtub

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Why did the boy drowned Bc he couldn't swim

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How do you make bread out of corpses? You don't. You grow it with bread seeds.

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When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it. The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”

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I had a date. She was a pegasister. Since MLP was magical, I disappeared.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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What did the snow flake which could talk say to the other snow flake which could talk None of us are the same.

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what does the homeless man do when he gets home? nothing, he's homeless

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What did Michael Jackson get for Christmas? Nothing he's dead

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What did the scientist call a spider? An arachnid.

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What do you call a black man inside a house that is on fire? A fire fighter as well as a hero since he was probably inside the house searching for anyone who was trapped inside

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Why did the grandmother lock her grandson in the closet? Because she didn't love him.

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When you see birds flying in a V why is one side of the V always longer than the other? There are more birds on that side

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their were 2 muffins. one said hello how are you. the other screamed "A TALKING MUFFIN"

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Why did the chicken protest? He wanted to be able to cross the street without getting his motives questioned.

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I called this hot girl up from class one day. She told me to come over because no one was home. I got to her house, and no one was home.

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Suppose an American, an Indian, a dinosaur, and a leprechaun are on a plane together. Which one would be the first to chug a 7 pound bottle of coke? The situation is too unlikely, with the odds of it occurring being less than 1%, therefore the question cannot be answered accurately.

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Hey, so I know this guy who knows this guy,who knows this guy,who knows this guy,who knows this guy,who knows this guy,who knows this guy,who knows this guy,who knows this guy's cousin who's name is Mark.

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What is brown and sticky. Hot chocolate.

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Q: What happened when three lions escaped from the zoo? A: Animal patrol came and tranquilized all three.. Unfortunantly one of the lions died from to much tranq.

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DERP

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Why do African-American people like fried chicken and watermelon? Because they are delicious food items.

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A tree falls in the woods. A deaf boy, who had been frolicking through the forest, is struck down by the tree. He dies. His parents are ridden with grief for years, until finally the father commits suicide. The mother soon remarried and had two more children. Both died before the age of 15. She was a horrible mother.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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