Roses are red, Violets are blue when I saw you what the heel are you

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Some people are like Slinkies: they don't work as well as they say they will and you'll get bored of them quickly.

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What dies but was never living? The hopes and dreams of small children.

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Carl has 300 candy bars. He eats 295. What does Carl have? Diabetes. Carl has diabetes.

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How do you make a tissue dance? Blow a little boogie in it!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because 7 ate 9.

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Q: What do sleeping pills and coffee have in common? A: Absolutely nothing

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Your face is hilarious.

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was dead why did the dog fall out of the tree? because it was attached to the monkey

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Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He prefers to bench press.

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Knock knock I don't play games, go away! Knock knock How did you get in my house? Knock knock Stay back I have a weapon! Knock knock What are you!!! Knock knock Oh god, someone please help! Knock knock What do you want, I can give you money. Knock knock Just don't hurt my family, please. Knock knock!!! WHO'S THERE!!! I am.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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You make me believe in myself, after all, it takes one to know one, I just wonder what I am, what are you?

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How did Jane fall off the swing? Jane had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Jane.

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What do you call a black person driving a plane? A pilot, because you dont want to call him anything racist i mean he is driving you up 25,000 ft in the air and the last thing you want is for him to get mad and decide to do something rational, God, you racists.

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put my sausage in your oven

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Q: What do you call a cow with no legs? A: Lunch.

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Knock knock Get off my porch.

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Agent 47.

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What's the difference between a Watermelon and a baby? One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer, the other is a watermelon.

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What's worse than finding a hair in your soup? Slavery.

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What's the difference between an ostridge? It can neither fly.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 had Gonorrhea.

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Q:what did the 14 year old girl from Tennessee say to her dad when she lost her virginity? A: Get off of me

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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