Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

thumb_up thumb_down -57

I've got a fever and the only cure is ibuprofen.

thumb_up thumb_down -157

Yo mamma's so fat, she should try NutriSystem.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Why couldn't Carys answer the phone? - She had an ear infection.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

69

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A violent biker gang walks into a bar to have a few drinks, the bar tender says "I'm sorry we can not serve you here." They then proceed to beat the man violently.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Have you heard about the new German microwave? It's a great labour-saving appliance that cooks food much more quickly than a conventional oven

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: Whats the difference between a guitar and a piece of ham? A: You can eat a piece of ham.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's worse than repeating holocaust jokes? Repeating the holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

"Ask me if I am a Lemon?" "Are you a Lemon?" "Yes, ask me if I'm an Orange" "No, I'm a Lemon."

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the pirate fall off his ship? He got pushed off by another pirate

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How do you make a baby spin? Put it in a blender and turn it on.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

The iguana is the only mammal capable of photosynthesis.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Whats even funnier than watching two black guys with guns attempting to shoot people Just about everything

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Kill me? Lol, come get me sis, I can kill you wit my mullet, nobody wants to take my phone, but your sister already replied to my "anna fuck" with "arent you married buddy? :)" yeah a smiley, ill show you! The doors are open, if I fail to take you out, I am not deserving of living futher, course yea mother blusx to everywown, I mean she is horny all the tiem! Anywaz, hurry up, im out of stims so im fallin sleeps, told ur sis to send me a nude pic, rite now... so this mite take 3 minuts. Hey, watch the next pic im gonna send you, that should motivate you to fight me sersly, i men sure im slo, but imma sp ful ov valeium dat i feel nor feear no pain... never feeer pain so whateves... Nah your sis is skinny, thats not here, the pixture is fakye, for now... u dyou know dat she keeps snending them hearte and smile and even a smilei with a rose, thats FLIRIIIIIING! Flirting, anyway you get the picture, but I wont respon anymor becuz i am shuttin down this pc and gonna dream abot the things to0 you sis. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -26

This is a racist joke but who cares!? What is the difference between a black guy and a bag of shit? The bag I apologize to all my fellow black friends. -Lets go MEts

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What do u call a black polar bear? A black bear

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why did the one-legged chicken say déjà vu? It felt a strong sensation that the current event had been experienced in the past.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Steven Hawking walks into a bar. No he doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: What's funny about prostitution? A: Nothing. It's a widely misunderstood profession.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I'm tired of your blind jokes, I just don't see the humor in them........

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil Armstrong was the first one to walk on the moon... and Michael Jackson molested little children.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A man opens his refrigerator and takes out a can of soda. He returns back to his living area and continues watching television.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops