69

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A woman who owns a parrot leaves her home, forgetting that a plumber is scheduled to come fix her sink. A few minutes after she leaves, the plumber arrives and knocks on the door. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replies, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waits for a minute and, seeing that nobody has come to the door, knocks again. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replies, a little more loudly, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink!" The plumber waits for a minute and bangs hard on the door. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screams, "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIINK!!!" Just then, the plumber clutches his chest and falls dead to the ground. When the woman returns home, she sees the dead man in front of her door. She opens her door to go to her phone and asks the parrot, "who is it?" The parrot replies, "WHO IS IT?"

thumb_up thumb_down -16

(Guy)That's what she said. (His Girlfriend) And who is this she.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A rabbi walks into a bar, in traditional Jewish garb. The bartender takes one look at him and says "Sorry, you'll have to leave". The Jewish gentleman says "Why, don't you serve Jews in here?". The bartender replies "Of course we do, but we just found asbestos in the walls and we're closing for remodeling." The rabbi politely apologizes for making misplaced assumptions about the bartender's place of business.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A poor woodcutter accidentally dropped his axe into the nearby river when taking a particularly forceful swipe at the tree he was cutting. He felt so dejected he wept. Then, the goddess of the river appeared. "What ails thee, my dear man?" she asked. "My axe -- it fell in the river!" stuttered the weeping woodcutter. "Do not worryI am the goddess of this river, and will find your axe!" said the River Goddess and dived into the river. After waiting eagerly for several minutes, the woodcutter was resigned to the fact that he had imagined the River Goddess.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you get when you put a frog in a paper shredder? Harshly punished by the Animal Humane Society

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A dolphin walks into a bar. Dolphins do not have legs therefore this is physically impossible.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

what do you call an astrounaut in space? an astrounaut you racist bastard

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A moose walks into a grocery store. It goes up to the clerk and asks, "do you guys have any potatoes?" the clerk replies oh yeah they're in isle... Ooooh wait a second. You're a moose. The moose responds, "Yes, indeed I am." The clerk then says "Oh ok, isle seven."

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How many light bulbs does it take to screw a blonde? She said she can do 3

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Man frantically runs into a bar, he suffers brain damage and cannot remember anything about his life. Though he tries to make everything go back to the way it once was, he and his wife grow distant and their family falls apart.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's black and fun to hang from trees? Tire swings.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you call an Arab on an airplane? A passenger.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How are a pizza and a jew similar? They both are people aside from the pizza.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why did the squirrel cross the... *Squash*

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Rose are red Violets are blue And I really hate you Friends?????

thumb_up thumb_down -18

s e m e n

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What bug has eight legs? Not a spider.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

why did Mary fall off the swing? cuz she had no arms ------------------- knock,knock who's there? not Mary

thumb_up thumb_down -20

what did God say when He saw a black man? Oops I urnt one.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A woman was talking to Ghandi. "Oh wait" He says "I can't, My kids are home"

thumb_up thumb_down -20

yo mama's so fat, she wears a big belt

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What do flowers and people have in common? They both die.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Oh," the boy says. "Well BUENOS DIAS to you too!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops