- Anti Joke

whats a willy? -brock

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cos it wanted to.

Why do everytime I go to toilet for number 2. I look into the toilet to see if this one's nicer than the last one.

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

What did one hostage say to the other hostage? Hrmfhrmfphmfr

what did the asain have for dinner? A: rice

A man walks into a bar and says "hey, it's me!". Turns out that wasn't him.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face", the horse said nothing; because it is a horse.

How do you stop a clown from laughing? You hit it in the face with an axe.

What did the lemon say to the turtle? If you think the lemon said anything, something is wrong with you.

modern love

What do you call a black girl scout? A brownie

Your friend is so retarded I am getting a bit worried and his mother should take him to get tested for mental retardation.

Dylan is a person

A lion walks into a barber shop and asks for a haircut and the barber says no then the lion proceeds to kill everyone in the shop

Here's a little diddy I wrote for One Direction: Now One Direction, don't forget that we all know About the antics that you pull at your own live shows Like you take your own lyrics and give 'em a swerve Now they either make no sense or make you sound like pervs And Liam, why you swiping cameras and phones? What you need a girl's number cause you're crusin alone? And another thing, it's a frickin spoon for God's sake What did this thing impale your puppy with a giant frickin stake? And so One Direction, we now all think That in about a year, y'all are gonna go NSYNC and disappear cause NSYNC isn't around any...aw you know!

What is black and white and red all over? Yemen's national flag.

wow such mark very mark many mark so mark

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To go to the slaughter-house.

Jesus said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." But, John came fifth and won a toaster.

cancer

What do you do when jews take over your country? Invade Poland.

Nicholas Salek did not write the message below. It was a joke one of his mates played!!

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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