What is white and stands in the corner? A refridgerator who has been very bad...

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Did you know that if you stacked enough elephants to reach from the earth to the moon, all those elephants would die?

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Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

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What did the child rapist say to the little boy? I'm going to rape you.

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What's Black white and red all over? Half a penguin

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house. A: Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sugar is sweet, Death is inevitable.

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What did the Priest say to the Rabbi? Nothing. The Priest was mute and the Rabbi was deaf.

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Two fish were in a tank one said...."ill drive!"

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If she's old enough to count, she's probably in second grade.

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Three blondes walk into a bar. I prematurely ejaculate.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? The answer is not definitive and involves several factors including the size of the woodchuck, the woodchuck's teeth, the climate in which that woodchuck lives, and the tenacity of that particular woodchuck at achieving his goal.

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There are 100 men enjoying a cruise to celebrate an important contract going through at their place of employment. The boat then suffers a major malfunction and tragically sinks to the bottom of the ocean, miles from any land masses. Not a single man died, how is this possible? They all used the lifeboats supplied on the boat and followed the standard procedure to deal with such a crisis.

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Why didn't Helen Keller drive? With all that time she spent learning how to read and write despite being blind and deaf, authoring numerous books, and being a prolific political activist; she simply did not have the substantial time to acquire a driver's license.

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What causes floods? Too much water.

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I Like my women like i like my wine, 6 years old and locked in the cellar

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How do u get a baby to stop choking? Take ur c*ck out if its mouth!!!

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The Pope

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was the World Chicken Road Crossing Competition.

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Why couldn't the pirate boy see the movie? He was blind.

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What did Uncle Timmy give to Little John for his birthday? Sodomy.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he didn't have the guts.

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A Muslim boards a plane and he sits done quietly and politely just like everyone else, the plan lands safely at its destination.

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What time is it? I believe it's half past 10, sir. Damn, I'm late for a meeting. May I ask, what time are you supposed to be there? 11 O'clock Why sir you have half an hour left. No shiitt, sherlock

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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