A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released into a nearby park.

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A funny joke: Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

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Why did Suzy fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Suzy.

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Q: What did the man say before he was stabbed? A: "What are you gonna do, stab me?"

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What is worse than spending time with in-laws? Nothing.

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Cashier: Have a nice day sir! Grumpy man: Don't tell me what kind of day to have ya fruit!

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What did Taylor say to the other Taylor? Hi, my name is Taylor

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Ask if I'm a aardvark. Are you a aardvark? Yes.

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Why doesn't Michael J. Fox drive a stick shift? He was raised in an urban area and was only taught to maneuver with vehicles that shifted automatically.

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Your social life

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What do you get when you cross a cat and a dog? A dog

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How do you wake up lady gaga? Set an alarm for an appropriate time

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I like my women like I like my coffee. Without a penis

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? Boy Scouts come home from camp.

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Three women are on an airplane. One's a blonde, one's a redhead, and one's a brunette. Unfortunately, the plane was going to crash and there was nothing they could do but jump out and parachute to safety. So the captain said to each of the three ladies, "You can only take one of your possessions when you parachute out of the plane." The blonde says "I will take my watch becau--" But before she could finish her sentence the plane exploded because the flames on the wing had ignited the fuel tank. No one survived.

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What is the difference between a mustache, and a pile of dead babies? Mustaches disgust me.

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Whats the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair? Cancer.

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Hello

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What kind of coins to you find at the bottom of the ocean? Wet coins.

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What's worse than banning guns? Very few things

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Women's rights

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If there's a clown in a blender, how do you get him out? Tostitos.

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Always put punctuation at the end of your sentence

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Alcatraz is reopened only for Kevin's ma

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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