A mama cow was sitting in the barn with her 3 babies. The first baby cow goes "Mom, why did you name me Daisy?" "Because a Daisy landed on your head when you were born" The second calf goes "Mom, why did you name me Rose?" "Because a Rose petal landed on your head when you where born." The third calf says "Aasdfghoiuytfghjkuiy" The mom replies "Shut up brick"

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Why was the little boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Who's gay and has buttsex? Dan.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Hitler: I said PASS THE JUICE! not GAS THE JEWS!

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Yo mama's so fat, she has low self-esteem.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

What did the priest say to the rabbi? "Hey Joe, how's the family?"

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What did the white guy say to the black guy wearing a black T-shirt? That's a very nice shirt.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Women's Sports

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why could the red-haired boy sing higher notes than the blonde-haired boy? He was castrated at birth.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What's white or grey or brown or green or black or yellow or purple ? Could be almost anything, really.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

That didn't hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Why did Riley cross the road? A: I lied he started to then proceeded to get hit by a bus filled with children causing them all to be scarred for life.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Q: what's red and goes up and down? A: a tomato in an elevator

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What happened to the blonde who walked up to the vending machine? She got a snack and went on with her day.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Knock Knock Who's there its me... we need to talk go away tod. i told you never to come back here babe, just open the door why? so you can beat me again? i said i was sorry! i just want to see my little girl... well maybe you should of been there for us! babe... i love you you lying son of a bitch... you dont deserve us open the damn door or i will beat it down im calling the cops YOU BETTER NOT BITCH! I WILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU! tod... please... get out come here no... NO! get the hell off of me!!!! HELP!! RAPE!! RAPE!!! SHUT UP WHORE (crying) please... please... ...mommy? SARAH! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! MOMMY LOVES YOU! ooh.. theres my little girl. you miss daddy? GET AWAY FROM HER!!! SHUT UP BITCH! come give daddy a hug what have you done to mommy? what you want some too? SARAH I SAID GET OUT THE HOUSE! GET HELP! ...mommy im scared... (sob) oh your crying? you want something to cry about? OH ILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT! .... you better get the hell out of here tod.. whoah... babe where did you get a gun GET OUT babe... put the gun down... relax NO YOU RELAX! all these years ive been raising this baby. without you. all by myself. and i dont want you in the picture now. ILL DO WHAT I DAMN WELL PLEASE ill see you in hell... (BANG) (BANG)

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until the boys hit puberty before coming on their face.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What do you call a gay black man driving off a cliff? A fine example of the dangers of drink driving.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Ask me if im a tree Are you a tree? No

thumb_up thumb_down +38

How do you determine the population of mexico? Send out a census every 4 years.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Why did the black guy cross the road? To save the endangered child from getting hit by a car across the street.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Women's football

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Yo mama's so fat she couldn't ride on roller coasters with you in Disney world. Sometimes you wish you could share more fond memories with her.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why did the man throw his watch out the window? Because it was broken.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Knock Knock Who's there? No one was there. It was two birds flew into the door and died.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops