A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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Customer: Can I have a tin of red paint, please? Shop owner: I'm sorry sir, we only have yellow paint left. Customer: That's ok, I have my bike with me.

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Why does it take more than one squirrel to change a lightbulb? Because they're so darn stupid!

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Man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died. Hard part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in and then the trouble started..

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Is it a sin to love math? Cos I don't. I'm radical about it.

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How many cows can you fit in a field? It depends on how big your field is.

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Halo < COD

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Who's gay and has buttsex? Dan.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, And so am I.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to your house knock knock who's there? the chicken

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What do you call a bay that got run over by a train? Thomas

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what did the banana say to the apple i dont know because bananas dont talk

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The lemons on the tree are ripe. They will be picked.

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How many years old is Chuck Norris? The same amount of years that it has been since he was born.

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What's the difference between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a lamborghini in my garage.

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What turns red and explodes in a microwave A cat

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Whats worse than being arrested for a crime you didn't commit? Teenage pregnancy.

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There's no "i" in tim.

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Why do reindeer pull Santa's Sleigh? Because Santa won't feed them if they don't.

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why do birds fly away when you go near them? incase your black

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how many babies can you fit in a bass drum? 19.

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Knock knock. Who's there? John John who John

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If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it - Is there still a woman in the kitchen?

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why would you thank the KKK because they killed the president

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops