-What do you call a pyromaniac on a golf course? *** I backed over your cat. -A FIREHAZ- wait what?

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Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

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Why did Sara fall off the swings? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sara.

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Where did Sally go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Due the limited cognitive ability and a lack of critical thinking skills, the chicken mistakenly ventured across the road in search of grain. Luckily the chicken was not injured on this occasion, however other chickens may not be so lucky in the future.

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I'm so hungry I feel I would be able to ingest large quantities of food.

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What's white and likes to likes to take frequent jogs? Stephen Hawkings, I meant so say remain motionless

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What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? A rape victim.

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I went to the zoo yesterday. There was only one dog, it was a shitzu

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Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting doctor. Interrupting doct- You have cancer.

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Unflushed Shit...

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What is the most effective abstinence plan? There is none.

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What do you call your fist? Trying to talk to an appendage would indicate that you suffer from mental issues stemming from dysentery or lack of oxygen, and as a medical professional, I would recommend seeing a specialist.

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Can Helen Keller keep a secret? No, she didn't hear it in the first place

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Whats worse than being hit by a bus and dying? Being hit by a bus and listening to Justin Beiber in a hospital bed.

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why didnt you take a shower? because my house burnt down

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Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? Cause he's Chuck Norris

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Roses are red Violets are blue You think this will rhyme But it ain't gonna.

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Gestapo.

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How are cherries and kittens different? They're both fun to cut up.

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*you're

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What happened to truck full of watermelons careening down the hill? After panicking, the driver was able to gain composure, and shifting the truck into a lower gear, was able to deliver the track safely to the side of the road at the bottom of the ill, where he sat down alongside of the road under the shade of an apple tree, sucking on delicious watermelon.

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Today, we will be identifying power tools. This is not a drill.

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A man is on his way home from a business trip and walks into his house. He is quite as to not wake up his wife or kids. He gets to the bedroom to find his wife in bed with the neighbor. He is shocked at what he came home to and decides to file for divorce. She was a stay at home mom and loses everything because of the divorce. The man woke up from his horrible nightmare and kissed his wife on the cheek. She has always been faithful. He decides to tell her about the dream and, for insurance, emphasizes the part where she loses everything in the divorce. They happily live out the rest of their lives together.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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