What do you call a tree with all of it's branches down? A tree with all of it's branches down.

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Romney 2012

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What did the mute say to the deaf man? Nothing. He's a mute.

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Unflushed Shit...

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Why did Suzy fall of the swing? -she had no arms Knock Knock Who's there? Not Suzy

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knock knock. who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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what kind of person screaws in a light blub........ a electrician

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What's the fastest animal on earth? An Ethiopian chicken.

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Why can't Hank swim? Hank is a rock

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A man goes to the pound to adopt a dog and sees a very shaggy dog and says "WOW! Thats a shaggy dog I'll take it!" So the man takes home his new dog and decides to enter the dog in the towns anual shaggy dog contest. and wins. After winning the town shaggy dog contest he moves up to the county shaggy dog contest. theres no competition. Now the man and his dog enter into the state shaggy dog contest, the states shaggiest dogs are all competing. the man wins. Finally the man and his dog are in the prestigious national shaggy dog contest. The judge walks up to the man and says "your dog isn't very shaggy"

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What do you call a Colombian who sells drugs? A pharmacist.

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Why did the bride get a refrigerator for her wedding? Because it is a very nice present

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A man walks into a bar. End of story.

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What is the diffrence between a guy and pie? The pie taste like fruit somethimes

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Fuck her

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and and no legs in front of a door? A: A quadruple amputee.

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Whats worse than getting in a 30 MPH car accident? Getting in a 40 MPH car accident.

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Why did a monkey fall out of a tree? He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of a tree? Gravity. Why did the third monkey fall out of a tree? He was stapled to the second monkey.

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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A bear walks into a bar and says to the barman "I'll have a pint of................ beer please." The barman says "why the big pause?"

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a man walked into a bar, however the bar was in Pakistan so he got shot by terrorists

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Happiness is just at the end of the road... Just take a look at how long that road is yeah i wouldnt even try

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Knock Knock No one answers....

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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