Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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roses are red Jacob's a Jew the holocaust was funny Haha f**k you

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What do you call a black man with scissors.? A Barber.

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whats blue and fluffy? BLUE FLUFF

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what do you call a cup?... a cup

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This is'nt a joke but like if it pisses you off when people comment on there own joke pretending to be someone else.

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Whats the difference between christians and nazis? one suppressed human rights and caused millions of deaths. the others were responsible for the holocaust.

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A horse, a duck, a pig, and a muslim walk into a bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the muslim has a can, being surprised how far a can can preach in Chicago. The bartender reminds the muslim that he entered with a swine, and the muslim is embarrased for the horse.

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A Muslim terrorist walks onto a bus, with the mindset to blow him and the other 27 people up*. Before he steps onto the bus, he realizes the error in his ways and decides to not follow through. He goes to the airport instead.

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Two muffins are in an oven. Although they both possess the extraordinary ability to speak, strangely each remains silent, apparently lost in their own thoughts. Thus nobody has any reason to think they are any different than any other muffins. Later after they've been baked and allowed to cool, they are sold to a woman who eats them along with a small salad. She enjoys their chewy, hearty texture, and lightly sweet taste. She is completely unaware of what amazing discovery has just been lost to science.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His motives so far are unknown as he is a chicken, and therefor cannot divulge the information.

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Why did the unicorn cross the road? i dont know. unicorns arent real

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What do you tell a girl with 2 black eyes? You should ice those to preven swelling aron the eyes

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A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver come in a gulp the guys drink down The man starts crying the lorry driver says"don't cry I will buy you another" The guy says "it's not that: Today I woke up late for work and when I finally got there my boss fired me so I get in my car to go home and it wont start so I walk home while it's raining and when I got in I found that my wife was sleeping with the gardener so I came down here and asked for some poison and you went and drank it"

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What happens when you mix 3 pounds of baking soda, 2 dozen cans of Mr. Pibb cola, and a live tortoise? It makes a terrible mess and your wife gets upset at you for getting the house so dirty. She refuses to clean it up.

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What is the difference between a Ferrari and a dead hooker? One is a car and one is a human being.

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How do you make a napkin dance? You can't. Stop having such unrealistic aspirations.

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a little girl gets raped

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What's worse than missing your favorite TV show? 9/11.

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Why was the woman convicted or arson? She set her house on fire. Why did she set her house on fire? Her husband was beating her.

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knock knock. who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant

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Why did Suzy fall of the swing? -she had no arms Knock Knock Who's there? Not Suzy

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How do you know when a guy wants to have sex with you? When he rapes you

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What do you call a tree with all of it's branches down? A tree with all of it's branches down.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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