A murderer takes you hostage. He lists three ways that you will die, but he lets you choose your death: 1. A bullet in your head. 2. A knife in your heart. 3. A lethal injection. What do you choose? It doesn't matter. You're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why Can't Asian women drive? a: Cause they are chink assholes who have only peripheral vision

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Q. Why was the cat brown? A. because it was a maori

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Whats purple and fluffy? Purple Fluff

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Why do you put a baby in the blender but first? To see the facial expressions

thumb_up thumb_down -67

What did Mambo say to Jumbo? Nothing. Because they weren't friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

A dyslexic man walks into a bra but like he actually did not a bar a womens breats.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Where does a leper go every Monday and Wednesday? The dermatologist.

thumb_up thumb_down +88

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

How do you drown a blonde? From her infancy, instill in her a dread of the water. Keep her away from baths and showers, protect her from pools, and as the child grows, regale her nightly with terrible stories about the cruelty of the sea. When she has matured past 18, take her out to the middle of a lake on a boat and push her in.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, The middle one's for you!

thumb_up thumb_down +58

A man has 72 cookies, he eats 64 of them. What does he have left? Diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

What's black and white and red all over? The newspaper classified section after a man has abandoned long, futile job hunt. He has crossed out all the potential jobs with red ink. He was laid off due to the downturn in the economy and will now have to get food stamps, which is very embarrassing for a man who has worked to support his family his entire life.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Dying of terminal cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

why did the fox jump over the pen ? it was tuesday

thumb_up thumb_down +46

womens rights!

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Dandelions are yellow, and so are sunflowers.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

How do you fit 100 babies into a bowl? You use a blender. How do you get them out? Tostitos scoops.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What did the man say to his son? Hello, son.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

A man and a women have a conversation. Man: what's 2 + 2 Woman: four. Man: you're correct.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

A boy watches as a firefighter saves a little girl from a fire and looks at his mom saying "I want to be a firefighter when i grow up mommy" The mom looks down and replies "Silly kid you're not gunna grow up you have leukemia."

thumb_up thumb_down +38

why did bully fall of his bike He was eaten by a fridge

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What is the biggest lie in the universe? I love you.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A Mexican walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops