How do you have sex with an amputee? stick it in the eyes

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Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 1

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What did Billy get his parents for Christmas? Billy's an orphan.

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What does Lady Gaga call Hitler? Nothing special because she doesn't refer to him in everyday's speech.

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Two guys walk into a bar, one is treated for a concussion.

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How can you tell if a woman is dead? She has no pulse.

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What did the man say after falling off the bridge? Nothing. He died a painful and terrible death on impact.

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Q: What's black and blue and red all over? A: I'm not sure. If it's red all over, it's not going to be black or blue.

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A man walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a glass of milk. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve milk here.

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knock knock who's there? julian julian who? julian gonzalez

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Child Prostitution.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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What do you call a fish without an eye? fsh.

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once three middle easterns were walking down the street bomb bomb bomb

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I'm on the seafood diet. A large proportion of my daily food intake is fish.

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Who is Red and White and comes on Christmas? A Russian Candy Cane

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Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can? The grief the family feels at the loss of their newborn child.

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A cat and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender says "it's refreshing to see perennial enemies enjoying each others company".

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What does AIDS stand for? Acquired immune deficiency syndrome

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why is the room so dark? because the light is not on.

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Why did dan jump off of the empire state building? -Because Carl pushed him off.

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I don't often drink beer. But when I do, I recklessly beat my wife and kids.

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Q:why are lamas cool? A:because m&m's are poisoned with deadly dosages of viagra.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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