A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What would happen if RAINN Wilson, the actor, married Michael MANN, the director? They'd probably be arrested; 2 men can't get married in California anymore (thanks a lot, Utah)!

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Did you know that if you stacked enough elephants to reach from the earth to the moon, all those elephants would die?

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Nothing, shit went down so bad.

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How do you get babys to paint a house? depends on how hard you throw them

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What are the two biggest jokes in College Football? Auburn and Florida! Roll Tide!

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So a horse walks into a barn.

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A guy walked into a bar. He got drunk. He hit a small child with his Suburu and was charged with a DUI.

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A couple arrive at a Halloween party for nudists. Then they enjoy the themed decor and food.

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Why does the same anti-jokes pop up over and over again? Because people have no creativity.

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WTF? If you look at life from the right, you might just see whats left, and just then I looked down at the midget as he said "Yo whats up?" I told him, hey do you like left? He said! DAAAAAMN RIIIIIGHT! I spent a while just standing there wondering what the hell was happening into my life, it was so right it was left and wrong... NeroMetal (No fucking idea what Neronism is, I just play streetfighter V and type books that confuse people)

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple ? The Holacoast

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Knock, knock. Who's there? The IRS.

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A. Knock Knock. B. Who's there? A. Orange. B. Orange who? A. Orange you glad your retarded because you think oranges can talk?

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3 black guys are in the back of a car. Who is driving? A taxi driver

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Your mother is so old, she could easily be considered a senior citizen.

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What happens if you type "Michael Jackson" divided by "Friends" on a calculator? DIVIDE BY 0 ERROR.

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A blind man walks into a bar. Another man asks him if hes ever seen the new movie that came out. he then replies, "i heard it" then curled up into a ball and cries for several hours.

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Whats worse than biting an apple with a worm in it? Getting stabed until you died and being fed to your own children....... twice

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Q: What did the boy do when his mom asked him to put away his clothes? A: Yes. PS: If that wasn't funny to you, then go f**k off. You clearly don't have any sence of humor and you should see someone about that, like a mental health doctor.

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what did the man say after he fell off the cliff nothing, he's dead

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What do you call a penguin sliding down a hill how should i know.

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What did you say? I'm blind. (Did not write this meaning to be offensive)

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I just threw up..In my pants.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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