Q: When did the man realize it was 5:00am? A: When it became 5:00am.

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What would George Washington do if he was able to talk to all of America? Ask them to dig him up.

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Two men were patients at a mental institution. One was named Dave, the other named John. Dave very quietly said, "Hello, my name is Dave, and I have a violent form of phonophobia, so please do not-" "DICK!" Dave promptly strangled John. John had Tourettes Syndrome.

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In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

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what's worse then death? finding that your adopted, no one loves you and you mother raped you at the tender age of five.

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What did Raymond say when josh ate him? Nothing because Raymond was dead.

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you go to cvs and theres a robber trying to shoot everyone and the cashier says do you have a rewards card

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23 convicts were showering. One of them dropping his soap bar. The person next to him picked it up, and the one who dropped it said thanks.

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On a scale of 1 to Chris Brown how angry are you?

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Patient: Doctor, it hurts when I run, I might have arthritis. Doctor: Let me check.... 5 minutes later... Doctor: It turs out you have 3 bullets in your legs. Patient: Ohhh, I get it now.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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God told John to come forth and recieve internal golry forever. John came fifth and recieved a toaster.

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jews

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Why did the police arrest the black man? He'd committed a crime, and was punished accordingly.

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What's sad about four children going over a cliff in a car ? Four children just went over a cliff in a car.

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roses are red violets are blue I lost my dog to typhoid it was an unfortunate case of bed luck

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Why couldn't Bob pick up his pen? Because a nuclear bomb just set off where he lives and it incinerated everything.

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What is red and green and goes 50mph? A frog in a blender.

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What happens when you give a guinea pig a cherry? He turns into satan.

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What is striped black and white? A prisoner in jail arrested for the murder and rape of a 7 year old child.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Daisies are red, OH SHIT! MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!!!

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antonio has a penis head.lol

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she was hit by a refrigerator.

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Ask me what my favorite color is. What's you favorite color? Blue.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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