whats big and can vibrate after you turn it on? A washing machine.

A squirrel walks up to a tree and says: "I forgot to store nuts for winter, now i am dead."

What did Santa say when he came to drop off your toys? Nothing. Santa doesn't exist.

,What would you call Morgan Freeman if he was White? Morgan Freeman

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one doesn't.

What's scarier than a ghost? Practically anything as ghosts aren't real.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't it got run over on the way there.

Why did Susie fall off the swings? Because she was hit by a truck.

What do black people and asians have in common? arms

Donald Trump decided to run for President.

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Impossible, non-living organisms are incapable of moving and babies lack the brain capacity to understand how to screw in a light bulb.

How many dead babies can you fit in a tire? It depends on the size of the tire.

What's the best part about having sex with twenty eight year olds? They've reached sexual peak but aren't yet past it. Plus, they still aren't in their 30's.

What do a turtle an a bird have in common? They both fly except the turtle

Whats worse than getting a splinter? Taking a shower at penn state

Why do bats fly in circles? They're mentally retarded.

What's the hardest part of the pizza to eat? The motorbike.

Yo' mama's so poor that she can't afford many of the privileges of everyday life.

Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles there balls

Why did Jimmy fall off the swing? He had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Certainly not Jimmy.

A morbidly overweight baby eats horse poop and dies a slow horrible death

What do you get when you cross a dog with an anteater? An animal unlikely to survive beyond infancy.

Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? He needed money to feed his family and to pay for his daughter's college education.

whats better than nailing a baby to a wall? Ripping it off the wall.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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