How do you keep children off your lawn? Touch them.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A baby seal walks into a bar... The bartender looks at it and says: too young.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q:Why did the dwarf shout abuse at the bus driver? A: He had anger issues, and the price of the ticket was quite unreasonable.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did Lou Gehrig die from? ALS

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why was the woman arrested for trying to have sex with a miner? Because he was on the job and her advances were completely unwanted.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How many people does it take to make a fun party? Idk, that's why I asked you, you see I'm throwing a party and wantedto know how many people I should invite.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

whats long, hairy, and has one eye? my cat fluffy, he has cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

i have no freinds on facebook.... overated

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Smeg...

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How do you drown a blonde? A: Drowing any person no matter the color of their hair is conpletely illegal and considered murder.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

One night, a man was bitten by Dracula. The first thing to come out of his mouth was "Joke's on you, I have AIDS!" Then proceeded to laugh hysterically until Dracula snapped his neck

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What is long, hard, cries a lot, and can't fall down a man-hole? A baby with a javelin through its neck.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why was the black family eating at K.F.C? The food there is really good and they had a discount on the family bucket.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the lamborghini drive off the cliff? Because the person driving was a fridge

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's worse than falling out of a tree and landing on a dog? Rape.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was blind and deaf.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Why? Because she has no arms. Knock. Knock. Who's there? Not Sally

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why was the man lying under a sheet. Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why was the school girl called a dork. Because a whale penis is called a dork, and she identically resembles a giant aquatic dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's faker than Nicki Minaj's tits? Women rights.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why doesn't the little boy talk to his mom? Because she smells like barbecue sauce.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did Joe get for his first birthday? Nothing he died at birth

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do you call an apple, an orange, and a pear in a bowl? Fruit

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops