The sword that kills, the sword that gives life.

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What do you call a person trying to rob a store with no arms? Peter Pan

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Hey, did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off? Yeah, it was pretty brutal. His right arm and right leg got cut off, too.

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Why did the frog commit suicide? Because his mother was a typewriter

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whats big red and eats bricks a big red brick eater

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A man walked into a bar. He needed 5 stitches.

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A three-legged prostitute, a coal miner, and R. Kelly walk into an all-midget rendition of Stravinsky's Rite of Spring. The miner has a heart attack and dies. The concubine and the vocalist do nothing to help.

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You walk into a shopping centre, what wont you see? Madelin McCann.

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why did superman die, aids he got from wonder women

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why did the man reverse time? because his girlfriend died,also this man was super

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why did the black guy buy magnum condoms? because his white friend knew the cashier and thought it would be awkward for himself to buy them.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was a turkey, idiot.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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Lebron James got a new iPhone, but he has to keep it on vibrate because he doesn't have any rings.

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What did the fireman say to the people in the burning house I'm going to use this water for my sprinkler rather than saving your lives. I might as well use this for something more significan, like my lawn.

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You know what helps with back pain? If you lick my butt hole.

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A storm be brewin!

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Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he couldn't get his knob out of the chicken.

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What's Kanye West's main goal in life? To dash the hopes and dreams of Taylor Swift on national television.

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What's worse than seeing Charlie sheen in a Turkish bath house? Watching the direct tv commercial for the 100th time today

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What do call a man with no arms or no legs that sits on the couch? Grandpa after his amputations.

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Women's rights

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Mary had a little lamb, its heart was black as coal, it crept into her room one night and ate her f***ing soul

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Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after. Up Jack got, and home did trot, as fast as he could caper, to old Dame Dob, who proceeded to get Jill convicted of attempted murder, as well as several millions of dollars for pain and suffering.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops