A priest walks into a drug den, most people would say this is pretty contradictory to his implied beliefs.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? Matters the size of the bathtub and the size of the babies.

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A: Knock Knock (waits for an answer) oh there's no one in.

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What do you call a quadriplegic man at a museum? "Sir," unless you happen to know his given name, in which case it would be most polite to call him that.

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I saw a woman get burned alive on the news... That woman was my mom.

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What did the farmer say to the cow that asked for food? No.

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In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

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a man checks his mypsace

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whats floppy and smells like trout? trout.

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Q: What would happen if Chuck Norris was hit by an Astroid A: He would die.

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What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mustang? I don't have a Mustang in my garrage.

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Knock knock? Who's there? Set up. Set up who? Punch line!

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Seriously, I am going to tell you, but you know, what would you have preferred that it was if you could choose, I am kinda insecure about these things, and people can read these messages so...

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When is a Jewish persons bedtime? When the brain releases endorphins, causing drowsiness, which usually leads one to sleep.

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How many zombies can you kill at once? about one or two unless your Chuck Norris with unlimited powers.

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What do you do if a goose comes flying towards you? Duck.

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How many people does it take to drive a car? 1 person

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What did the blonde say when she fell out of a tree? Nothing, she shattered her trachea upon landing.

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A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." The mushroom says, "What? I'm a fungi." The bartender replies, "Exactly. That's a health hazard. The health department already gave two strikes and if I lose the bar my wife will divorce me."

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Whats the best way to tell if your wife has been cheating on you with the UPS guy? simply ask her, trust and communication in relationships are vital in their survival and growth.

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How do you confuse a black man? Call him from a blocked number and I say "I love you"

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how much swag could a swagchuck chuck, if a swagchuck could chuck swag?

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Roses are red, violets are blue shut the hell up, and sit the hell down

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eyebrows up means ur flirting this isnt a joke dont laugh

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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