A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

thumb_up thumb_down -7

So there is the standard english class with groups of different people. You got the nerds, lads, violent ones etc. Now the kids are doing a standard pop quiz. The nerd is next to the violent kid. The violent kid asks the teacher if he can go to the toilet. Everyone is nervous as it was based from last year's work which they haven't studied for. He then stabs the nerd in the neck multiple times and finishes his test.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did one Teacher say to the other teacher? Nothing. The first teacher has a horrible drinking habbit which is getting out of hand, He beats his wife and children each night after his drinks at the bar. His parents have stopped all contact and he found some divorce papers in his wifes draw, also saying she would be getting full costudy of the children. He has lost the majority of his friends and didnt want to loose another one, and kept his problems to himself.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I know 7 facts about you: 1. You're reading this. 2. You hate this overused shit. 3. You may think I will skip a number. 5. And you hate me much more. 6. You have seen porn. 7. You want me to kill myself. I am just gonna go suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q.What Did the Little Kid Say To Cancer In The Hospital? A.Nothing. He Died From Cancer 3 Minutes Ago.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Women's Soccer.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q: Why did the boy have a bloody nose? A: Because a serial killer split his head in half with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Joker: You wanna know how I got these scars Me: The Bat... Joker: The Batman!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did one apple say to the other???? Well, since they are fruits, and not people, they were unable to talk...

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How do you kill a blue elephant? Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? Hold it's nose until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the 2nd monkey fall out if the tree? He was stapled to the first Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see, Monkey do.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Your mom is over the average weight for a person of here height and age.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, No Professionals."

thumb_up thumb_down -7

In Soviet Russia, there was a population of approx. 293,047,571 people. It was dissolved in 1991, it is now know as Russia or the Russian Federation.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

how did the bus fall outa the tree it got hit by a hellicopter how did the boy fall outa the tree he was attached to the bus how did the chicken fall outa the tree it fell off the branch

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Wanna hear a dirty joke....? A pig rolling in mud!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

My mom always said that jumping in a pile of leaves was fun! That was before a 20 foot long iguana bit her head off...

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Have you seen Stevie Wonders house? No Ok

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q: What do you call a fish with no eye? A: Fssshh

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What do you call a dog with 3 legs? Just because it has 3 legs dosnt mean you have to call it anything different

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A goose walks into a bar. Maybe he should have ducked.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

If a tree falls in the forest, but nothing is there to hear it, does it still make noise ? Yes, because whether the action of the three falling produces sound waves or not is not dependent on whether something is there to receive these waves.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops